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A New Type of 3 AM Phone Call
Rrrrrrrrrrrr-ing.
Good Morning, Trump Hysteria Hotline, may I help you?
“This man… who is not my president… is driving me crazy!”
I see. Let me ask you a few questions so that I may direct you to a counselor with the proper credentials. Do you admit that Donald Trump is the President of the United States?
(Sigh.) “Yes. He is president.”
Are you an American citizen?
(Angerly) “Yes… I am a citizen.”
So, intellectually you realize that he is your president?
(Exasperated) “Yessssss.”
See, we’re making progress. Now, are you a Republican, Democrat or Independent? The level of service you require is determined by your answer.
“Democrat”
Let me transfer you…
Rrrrrrrrrrrrr-ing!
Suicide Prevention Hotline, please hold, all of our operators are busy right now…
Published in Humor
“We’re going to need more counselors.”
Excellent!
*finger pyramid of evil*
I am waiting for the “You are insensitive” reply.
Yes. I. Am.
I am not insensitive to suicide and those that need counseling for real mental disorders. But I am insensitive to the whiners and the freak out artists who have no intellectual self control over politics. And that goes for both sides.
Just a fluke.
I always think of the exploding heads scene from Kingsman. Set to a popular tune…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E1jf2hOkec4
The AMA has just diagnosed a new mental disorder:
Trump Unacceptance & Resistance Disorder (TURD)
TURD is a pattern of pathologically dissociative and psychotic behavior, first observed in the late hours of November 8th 2016, and increasing in severity with passing time.
Sufferers of TURD often exhibit pronounced cognitive dissonance, sudden bouts of rage, rioting, and uncontrollable crying.
TURD is caused by the election of Donald Trump as President of the United States of America. For many, both in America and worldwide, this was a shocking and unexpected outcome; their preferred news sources having failed to inform them that the alternative candidate was a criminal parasite in such ill health she got chucked into the back of a van like a kidnap victim.
Research is ongoing, but TURD appears to correlate closely with the following environmental and behavioral factors:
• Membership in the Democratic Party
. Identifying as a Feminist
. Currently enrolled in college, and/or Possession of a Liberal Arts college degree
• Living in a densely populated metropolitan area
• Massive student debt
• Spotty or non-existent work history
Patients with TURD are very resistant to treatment, and dangerous in large groups. Any possibility of treatment requires that they be separated from their hive-mind support apparatus; they cannot begin the process of accepting reality in the presence of encouragement towards delusion and irrationality. Separation may require the assistance of law enforcement.
If you have a friend or loved one suffering from TURD, urge them to seek treatment.
Love this! I had a post , “Let’s just get you home” which was about how these hysterical people make me feel like I did when my kid threw a temper tantrum in public. At first, you want to placate them, anything to calm them down–cuz you KNOW if you start yelling or trying to forcibly contain the fit, YOU will immediately look like the bad guy…but eventually you just get so mad….lose all patience…want to get away…
Also, patients with TURD always have an odd scowl on their faces that looks for all the world as though someone is holding a turd under their nose all the time and it must stink.
Someone should set this up. I’m sure the phone lines would be crazy busy!
My best ideas are the ones that can never be monetized…
Ricochet needs to get a “Schumer’s Tears” mug on the shelf, stat!
Hilarious. Ah, the might need lines for Republican Nevers.
Really? On here? This isn’t NPR. This kinda reminds be of the set up on one of the those old role play comedy bits. Another 3 AM joke (I image you’ve heard) was Hillary not answering the phone when Benghazi called… instead the voice mail..”Sorry I couldn’t get to the phone, your call is very important, but if you leave a name, number……”
It makes me sad when someone so clearly describes the mental instability of the Left and their loss of control over something as uncontrollable as who is the leader of the nation, but then they feel like they have to temper it with “and that incudes the left AND the right” when they are clearly talking about only the Left.
If you have an example of any time in the history of America where any group of people on the Right have acted like the insanity of the Left that we have seen over the last two weekends, please provide it. I’ll make it easier, if you like. Give me one name of someone on the Right (who is a popular name) who has ever acted in public like the foul-mouthed disgusting antics of Ashley Judd and Madonna last weekend. If you can’t, I think you should consider editing your comment and removing the last line.
Oh yes. Let’s hear those names.
Oh my that is perfect. Just surreal enough not to be gross.
Just be sure it’s located in India, with poor English speaking counselors ;-)
What goes around comes around.
I thought you were going to comment on my “crazy busy” poor English, Okie!
Yeah – but it’s funny. Snort-coffee-thru-the-nose funny. And that counts for something.
There are folks who claim that Trump has caused them to lose the desire and ability to.. well, you guess. Mostly women. I suggest a masseuse, a chick flick and a few glasses of white Zinfandel.
For guys, if they have that problem? Euthanasia seems like the right thing.
I’d buy one.
Or maybe a watering can…
Lawn sprinkler? Yes, lawn sprinkler.
Who’s reading Ricochet? This post is linked at American Digest
They could at least give a guy credit…
I felt bad not attributing some photos you had done for Ricochet when I used them for a short post a couple years ago (thanks for setting me straight about proper conduct on this).
But this is unforgivable if you didn’t get credit.
Koler! You’ll hear from my lawyer, Bombastic Bushkin!