Getting Old Is Getting Old

I may be late to the party, but this thing about getting old is getting old. Besides the usual signs of aging, I've noticed some others:

You tend to grunt a lot more. You grunt when you sit in a chair, and you grunt when you get up. You grunt when you read an article that angers you. You grunt when your spouse asks you something. You grunt when you dodge whatever your spouse threw at you for grunting.

You've broken every single toe at least once because they've turned into furniture-leg-seeking pain missiles. You also find doors and doorframes with them.

Men: You don't mute ED drug and Depends TV commercials like you used to.

Women: You look at your jar of face cream and swear it reads, "Oil of Old Lady."

You look at your calendar and realize you have more doctor's appointments than there are holidays.

You go a day without bumping into anything and still wake up the next morning with bruises.

By the time you find your car keys, you forgot where it was you wanted to go (and it's usually a doctor's appointment).

You call your children by your pets' names and your pets by your children's names.

Your children whisper behind you and your spouse's backs things like, "They're so cute!"

Your spouse takes up an unusual new hobby like gem collecting, and you think it's cool (true story).

You frequently interrupt long conversations with trips to the bathroom.

You frequently interrupt short conversations with trips to the bathroom.

You look at your three cats and think, "We could use another cat around here."

Your e-mail Christmas wish list to your spouse and children doesn't change, other than the year.

Writing a post about sending your Christmas wish e-mail to your spouse and children reminds you to do just that (done!).

You lose track of the time and date.

Everyone drive safely this Columbus Day! I mean Halloween . . .