Top Movie-Making Blunders

1. Switching out actors: I was watching some period mini-series a few years ago—I can’t recall which one (it’s probably not worth being recalled)—and at the start of a new episode, I was startled to find the set populated with different actors. I think I dropped the series within minutes of that realization, as my motivation to stick with the story had disappeared. I know that the writers wanted to convey the passing of time, but couldn’t they have found some way other than swapping out characters I had come to care for, even a little? Did they think viewers wouldn’t notice?

2. Sloppy old people makeup jobs: Although switching actors is a no-go, movies trying to get by with bad makeup jobs is also a bad option. With all the technology available, why do some flicks try to pass off a hunched figure caked with high school stage makeup as the character we know and love?

3. Lazy script writing: By lazy, I mean dirty, full of innuendoes, double entendres, and outright crude jokes. I’ve had to abandon movies with great appeal in terms of time period, story, actors, and costumes because the writers will hit us right off with a clumsy bedroom scene, wink-wink-nod-nod situations, and cliched sexually-charged scenes. Becoming Jane, Shakespeare in Love, and the wildly popular Sanditon all made my no-watch list because of this bottom-shelf script-writing technique. I get all primed for a beautifully shot story and then am subjected once again to a scene with a prim lady scoping out a guy going for a swim. So original—actually, so easy to write—the script almost creates itself. I have experienced many of these disappointments.

4. Thoughtless story: A script doesn’t have to be dirty to be bland and cheap. Viewers are canny about obvious signs that writers were rushing to meet deadlines and satisfy demanding audiences by pushing out productions. With thoughtless writing, you have superficial action where characters seem to be listlessly working out a lame plot in lush settings. You have anachronisms and stories stuck in the wrong century. Stock characters do their thing, as if the writers felt they could wind them up and let them go while attending to more important things. I’m looking at you, Downton Abbey, especially in season openers. I’ll never forget when the lady of the house, during a mundane discussion about upcoming events, told the lord in her hard, curving ‘r’s: “Don’t forget—Thursday’s our anniversary!” That was likely the beginning of the end for me. I won’t get started on Sanditon. We’d be here all night.

5. Ultra-sad plots: I don’t watch movies to get depressed. I watch to escape, to revel in beautiful scenery, to enjoy good stories well told, to get the satisfaction of catching subtleties the skillful creators put there for us. This doesn’t mean that there can’t be some unhappy circumstances in movies. Sad aspects in endings are fine, too, as long as a hopeful note of truth is sounded. But I generally avoid the nihilistic, the despairing, the unrelentingly dark stories. I don’t have time for those.

What other blunders should movie writers, producers, and directors avoid?