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Most of my days are spent in solitude, unless you count mealtime in our home. I have my morning walks where I regularly wave, smile and greet people. There’s a slight connection between us some of the time; other times people seem caught up in their own thoughts. I’m okay with that. And then I always appreciate the occasional "dog fix."
Before I begin my work, I spend time with friends: sometimes we go to the gym together, but mostly speak to each other in the car; I talk to a friend on Zoom every three weeks; I speak to another friend every two weeks by phone. She’s the kind of person who will let the conversation go on indefinitely; I don’t like to speak on the phone, because it lacks a certain intimacy. So, as cruel as it sounds, I told her I’d like to limit our conversations to an hour, and I’d take charge of the clock. I try hard not to interrupt her to bring things to an end, but it’s not always easy to do. She’s always kind about my request, but I still feel guilty, like a person who’s limited her play time based on my preferences.
Of course, my time on Ricochet fills another desire for connection. It's strange how I haven't met several people in person, yet there is a unique intimacy based on the stories we tell each other and the opinions we offer. I also appreciate the laughter and silliness that we sometimes share.
My husband and I occasionally go out with friends, but we are comfortable just being with each other. Our days are filled mostly with silence, so although we chat over meals, we’re okay with the quiet, too.
I think about the published articles that insist older people need to socialize and continue to build relationships. I guess being cozy with my computer keys doesn’t count. But I’ve grown comfortable with long stretches of silence and contemplation. Am I turning into a hermit? Am I already a hermit? Am I becoming more antisocial?
All I know for certain is that this kind of life suits me. I have no high aspirations, desires for fame, no places to go or visit, except for an occasional trip in the state.
That seems enough for me.
Discussion (41)
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Everyone by now must know that I'd love to hear your own perspectives on my life or on your own.
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With most of my friends, and my family, especially my son in law and daughter who live here, we have the ability to be in the same place without the necessity of talking to each other. I like to call it "a companionable silence." No one is offended and no one feels pressure to entertain; if we have something worth saying, we say it.
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That sounds wonderful, Doug. No one feels obligated to fill up the silence. Lovely.
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Maybe it comes from being around cats. But we communicate non-verbally.
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For me, it's a function of aging. I simply have no desire to do a lot of the "socializing" that I once did, and, to some degree, there's a "lack of energy" element to this. Taken to a considerable degree, I don't think that this is entirely a good thing, so I try to find reasons to go out, such as concerts, gallery openings, and assorted other events. In moderation.
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