QOTD: Love

“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.” – Ernest Hemingway

Hemmingway wrote of many things, including love. I chose this quote because on Friday, it will be The Day Of Romantic Love.

Even people not currently involved in any sort of love relationship might have some fond memories of Valentine's Day Past.

We older women can remember being young girls in pigtails back in the day. We often had as much satisfaction from receiving a bunch of Valentine's cards surreptitiously dropped on the top of our school desks that had been from our BFFs as the ones from the fourth-grade boy whom we thought was cute.

When we are younger, we easily instinctively understand that Love with that capital "L" involves more than squishy feelings. It involves asking yourself: "Am I a good listener?" Our grammar school BFFs often were.

Yes, it is wise to consider that one of the greatest gifts that one person can give to another is a listening ear. It is more important than offering a Valentine's Day trip to a spa or a box of chocolates.

Listening means you consider what the other person is saying, and having enough understanding to feel empathy for that other person. When someone listens intently, it often dawns on them that the other person's problem is a problem they wouldn't consider to be one. (Every parent arrives at this wisdom when their kindergartner won't go to school because there is a small tear in the card that they made for the teacher.)

So of course, when we are grownups dealing with other grownups, sometimes getting to empathy means you don't respond right away. Rather, you might need to beg off, saying " I need to think about this so I can understand what it means to you."

Answering someone else's tale of confusion or frustration right away sometimes means you may be dismissing their need for you to clearly understand the problem.

Hemmingway put the matter very clearly.