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The other day, I was writing to a friend who is also a writer, and was intrigued—and a bit perplexed--about a difference of opinion that we felt strongly about. It wasn’t political, not really. It was very personal, and I think we both came away respecting the other’s views. But for me, it was a disconcerting outcome.
The topic: wearing the Jewish star.
It’s important to emphasize that we both practice our Judaism differently and our situations also differ. My friend has a name that doesn’t sound Jewish (nor does my married name). She doesn’t make an issue of being Jewish because her background is mostly secular. Her connection to the Jewish community is limited; as a result, I think it’s fair to say that her devotion to the faith is incomplete, although I could say my own faith is incomplete, too. She owns a Jewish star (called a maGEN daVID) that her mother gave to her, and it sounds lovely; she doesn’t wear it, however. She shared with me that she has never made an issue of her Judaism, and still doesn’t. Introducing that factor, she says, just complicates relationships, raising questions.
My attitude toward Judaism is quite different. I came to take Judaism seriously late in life, and my practice is now deeper and more complex. I lead a Torah study group and also study Torah with a friend. Most people who know me also know that I’m Jewish; I don’t go around advertising it, but in the evolution of a relationship, it usually comes up.
And I want to wear the Magen David I purchased a few weeks ago.
But I hesitate.
For one, my husband is a bit concerned about my safety. Although I decided not to conceal carry, I do have pepper spray if I’m accosted. I’m also often with him, and he does carry.
But I have to ask myself, am I inviting trouble? Why do I feel I must make a statement? Am I not doing enough to support the Jewish faith and Israel through my writing on Jewish issues? Should I really care about what others think? I’m proud to be Jewish and feel I embrace it fully.
Yet, I hesitate. I feel it’s important to be clear and genuine with myself about my reasons for wearing the Jewish star. I don’t care if a person verbally attacks me, but do I need to be concerned about my physical safety in these times?
Is my friend wise in being cautious?
Discussion (59)
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On the other hand…..I was at a small concert last weekend and I saw a very old friend there, wearing a keffiyeh! She even gave me a hug as I bit my tongue.
There’s no way she feared for her safety when she put that on.
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Oh my gosh, Charles! That must have been shocking! But was it less of a shock in your country, given its attitude about Israel?
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Would you take a stab and clear this up for me, Susan?
For years, any time I was tired or I felt out of it as it was very hot outside, I might slip up and refer to being Jewish as being of a Jewish ethnicity.
Even my closest friend Teri would get very annoyed with me and say, sometimes gently, sometimes not,"Being Jewish is not an ethnicity. Being Jewish is a religion."
What I am describing occurred between 1989 and 2005.
So if your friend is secular in her life, how is she still considered Jewish?
Or did a memo go out after 2005 and set out a new parameter that being Jewish is an ethnicity?
I can't ask Teri this question as she died of stage 10 ovarian cancer in Feb 2007, just days before her 60th b-day. I will miss her til my dying day.
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Great questions! Judaism is both a religion and ethnicity. And if you are born to a Jewish mother, you are Jewish, regardless of how religious you are. And I don't think my friend would call herself secular, since she identifies as a Jew. It's complicated.. .
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Being Jewish has always been a religion connected with an ethnic group. If all Irish were Catholic or all Catholics were Irish, we'd be in the same spot. Are the Amish a religion, or an ethnic group of Dutch-Americans? It varies.
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