Please, Thank-You, and the Death of Common Decency

Remember when you were a child and your mother reminded you to say “please” when you asked your neighbor for another chocolate chip cookie? And if your “thank-you” wasn’t forthcoming, you’d hear, “Now what do you say”? These reminders were part of a ritual in my family home, and I never questioned them. Eventually I didn’t need to be coaxed, and grew to realize that these words were part of an effort to remind me that it was worthwhile to demonstrate common decency with each other. I just didn’t realize how difficult it would be to continue those rituals in a world consumed with rage.

We live in an age where the most primitive and angry behaviors are demonstrated every day: people are called Nazis, racists, white supremacists. Thugs hit people in the face who are walking on the sidewalk, for no apparent reason. In Israel, the Jews are called out for practicing a non-existent apartheid. On U.S. campuses, pro-Palestinian protestors enthusiastically demonstrate their hatred for Israel and Jews everywhere, and their support of murderers and rapists in the form of Hamas. The ugliness perpetuates the decline of understanding of how humans should minimally treat each other. And it only seems to be getting worse.

In this environment, it can be tough to maintain the vestiges of civility, even with those who have done nothing to harm us. When was the last time you said “please” to your spouse for getting something off a high shelf in the kitchen? When did you include “please” when you asked the store clerk to see if more of your favorite tomatoes might be available? And do you always follow up with a simple “thank you”?

In the larger public arena, I miss hearing expressions of gratitude. Instead, people indulge in accusations and insults, which may or may not be true.

When we say “please,” we are essentially recognizing the other person’s humanity. We are validating his or her value as a human being who is struggling in these times, right along with us. We are reminding the person that we all should rely on each other, to support and help each other. When we say “thank-you,” we are acknowledging that the person’s effort, large or small, has reassured us that there are generous, kind and understanding people, still, in the world.

Let’s take this religious season of Easter and Passover to honor the fact that we have all been created in the image of G-d; that we have much to be thankful for; and that we can do our best to maintain common decency, wherever we are.