At the Core of Infidelity

Today’s upside-down world has created and showcased a victim known as a “trans widow” – a woman who has to deal with the fact that her husband has “discovered himself.” His new self magically no longer involves his wife. This is somehow seen as legitimate because it is about a person “being true to himself.” In a nutshell, the husband has decided that he is simply more important than his marriage. His relationship takes a back seat to self.

One does not have to indulge in sexual confusion to act in this way. Most classically, this kind of selfishness was displayed by those who chose to be unfaithful to their spouses.

When men or women individually commit any wrong toward a fellow human being, thus breaking faith with G-d … Any party whose wife has gone astray and broken faith with him… (N. 5:6 and 5:12).

Isn’t it interesting that the phrase “breaking faith” is the same phrase whether it applies to somehow being disloyal to G-d, or to a woman not remaining faithful to her husband? Does this suggest that there is a similarity between infidelity to G-d (expressed by stealing from another person) and infidelity to one’s husband?

We can explain this by examining the precise word. The word expressed here for “breaking faith” is מָֽעַל, ma’al.

Isn’t that strange? The word shares the same root word for a very common word in the Torah, literally translatable as “from on,” but used in the following contexts (“ma’al” bolded):

Creation: God made the expanse, and it separated the water which was below the expanse from the water which was above the expanse. (G. 1:7)

So Lot chose for himself the whole plain of the Jordan, and Lot journeyed eastward. Thus man parted from his brother. (G. 13:11)

To Abraham’s sons by concubines Abraham gave gifts while he was still living, and he sent them away from his son Isaac eastward, to the land of the East. (G. 25:6)

In these (and many other) examples, isn’t the meaning clear: that ma’al is about a separation between objects or people wherein the person separating sees themselves as taking the high road? Waters above (heavens) versus waters below? And Lot and Avram each choosing separation instead of their relationship? Even Avraham’s other sons accepting gifts instead of trying to interact with their step-brother?

Is this, then, the essence of both infidelity and breaching with G-d: acting with rank selfishness, putting oneself above the relationship with another person? What is infidelity in a marriage if not discounting the person you are married to?!

Isn’t this concept at the very core of adultery and even idolatry? The pursuit of one’s self-interest or pleasure, but at the expense of our foundational relationships? Choosing the path, as Lot had, of material wealth and enjoyment over doing the hard work of investing into a challenging relationship?

Doesn’t this describe anyone today who chooses to abandon their relationships in order to be “true to themselves”?

Is the choice of this phrase a way for the Torah to explain that an adulterous woman has acted in her perceived self-interest, separating from her husband as surely as the waters above separated from the waters below, or Lot from Avram?

Isn’t this also at the core of “commit any wrong toward a fellow human being, thus breaking faith with G-d”?

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Rebekkah and the Camel

Does this understanding of ma’al apply elsewhere? For example, when Rebekkah first sees her future husband:

Raising her eyes, Rebekah saw Isaac. She fell from (ma’al) the camel. (G. 24:64)

In a physical sense, Rebekkah falls off the camel. But perhaps, in a spiritual sense, the very opposite occurs? Perhaps she actually separates upward from the camel, in order to start her relationship with her husband?

Could the text be using this phrase (first used to describe the waters above separating from the waters below) to tell us that Rebekkah is breaking from the animal kingdom, and her background with an idol-worshipping family, in order to forge a new connection to the meditating Isaac?