A Humbling Experience

This past week, my husband and I went to a private three-day defensive pistol training course. We’d had training with the organization before and they had excellent personnel. We hadn’t gone to a class in five years, and I thought the training would be valuable for me to not just increase my skills, but also prepare me and increase my confidence for concealed carry. Unfortunately, my experience was disappointing.

I had an unintentional discharge.

To backtrack a little, we practice fairly regularly at our local gun range. But from the start of the training, I was having just a little difficulty focusing. We were reminded over and over again (rightly so) at the beginning of each session about gun safety, particularly watching where the gun is pointed and keeping the finger off the trigger. This was old news to us, so I didn’t anticipate a problem. But I wasn’t consistent about keeping my finger off the trigger.

And then the moment came on the third day during a technique practice; the magazine was empty and I went to reload. I put the new magazine in, racked the slide to put a round in the chamber—and the gun fired. No one was hurt, but the experience was devastating.

My finger had been on the trigger.

Our trainer (who was great in every way) took me aside and explained that if I had been in a class with others, I would have been told to leave. I couldn’t put someone else at risk. And of course, he was right.

He did come up with a solution, which he put to his boss (the owner of the company), and I was allowed to use the trainer’s red dot SIRT gun. It wasn’t a great substitute, but it was better than the alternative.

How can I explain my lack of attention and focus? For one, the heat was wearing, especially on the third day. Second, my ability to focus seemed to deteriorate over the class time. I am 75 years old, so that might have been a factor. And it occurred to me that it was possible that my brain had been affected from the chemotherapy—chemo brain—which I’d had three years ago. The damage from chemo is still evident in my feet with my peripheral neuropathy.

Where do things stand now? For one, I’m not safe for concealed carry. Whether I improve enough with practice to consider CC is unclear. We plan to continue shooting at our local range. And I’m going to investigate pepper spray, which our trainer thought was an excellent alternative.

Some of you might suggest supplements that might help me if I have “brain damage.” But I take enough medication and supplements, and I’m not interested in putting anything else in my body.

There is a cautionary tale in this story. Guns are dangerous. They can kill people. And they need to be taken seriously and handled with close attention.

That is certainly my plan from here on out.