King Forward, Fall Backward

Winter just PRETENDED to fade here on the Korean Peninsula. Kim Jong Un took off his wool garb, switched to a snazzy black leather jacket from Pyongyang Big and Tall, and everything seemed on track for spring. Then it got cold, with a mighty wind.

Never mind. I’m here for another in a series of tributes to the great Larry King USA Today columns. (Consider these posts something of a “sigh op.”) Let’s hit it and quit.

If you’re scrolling through Netflix and see a black actor, the movie will be either about slavery or racism…

I expect there are some lazy, good for nothing, quiescent bees too…

Before sliced bread, the best thing was…bread…

It’s mildly ironic that bald men often find themselves in hairy situations…

If you’re going to use dry powder deodorant, be sure to wait 36 hours after applying to put on your shirt…

Mittens are outmoded technology…

A fast runner probably has a good track record…

If you ever have a conversation with a landscaper, he’s going to get into the weeds…

What would Geronimo yell if he jumped out of an airplane?

Balloons are always blown out of proportion…

Is inflation affecting the price of tires?

Bus drivers here are going on strike against the city. I think it’s a fare fight…

Before you walk a mile in someone’s shoes, make sure they fit…

Have you ever noticed in cop dramas that one cop will get a hunch and go check out a dangerous suspect alone and unarmed, at a remote location, without telling anyone?

We could remove 80+% of public benches without inconveniencing anyone…

No slow news days, just lazy newsrooms…

I guess we can’t say penny for your thoughts for much longer. The younger generation won’t understand. Oh well, I don’t think I ever said it anyway, but I DID offer my two cents…

Underwear is a bum wrap…

There’s a big difference between body language and bawdy language…

Worst case scenario: you lie down in the dentist chair and realize you forgot to check your nose…

I’m thinking of starting a fake crime podcast…

Never take advice from a guy with a face tattoo…

Isn’t it funny in movies how the top bad guy ALWAYS gets killed last?

If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re yours. (Or, they might have forgotten something.) If they don’t, maybe they’re lost, and you should go out and look for them…

I won’t inflict any more on you today, but thank you for taking a look. It’s going to hit 46 degrees today - a little colder up in Pyongyang, but a good opportunity for Marshal Kim to Armor All that jacket.