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Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too. -H. L. Mencken
I have a pair of friends who will be celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary today. I have known them nearly 40 years. Janet and I moved to Houston to work at JSC one year after they did, where we met and became friends. They, my wife and I, and two other couples all moved down from the Midwest between 1978 and 1980. In lieu of any other family, we became a pseudo family, looking out for and after each other. (The other pair of couples is also still married, although one left the Houston area in the mid-1990s.)
Marriage, done right, is a great institution. Certainly it is for our friend couple. Certainly it was for my wife and me. Had death not parted us shortly after my 40th anniversary, Jan and I would be celebrating our 50th next year. I am grateful that our friends (the wife was Jan's best friend) got to see their 50th anniversary, even if I could not see mine.
Despite a carefully cultivated public persona as a cynical bachelor, H. L. Mencken was married, and quite contentedly so. When his wife died of tuberculosis, he was bereft. Perhaps he did not know as much about women as the quote implies.
Today marriage is under siege. I have had one son's marriage sundered by divorce because his wife walked away from it. (Another son has a marriage like mine. I cannot see those two ever splitting up, save by death.) Too many today seem to believe marriage is for suckers, something that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy for those who believe it.
In truth, in a good marriage each partner serves as an anchor and a wingman for the other. You have an advisor in whom you can confide, someone to guard your flanks, a lifeguard to pull you up from deep waters, and someone to provide shelter when you need it. Jan and I played all of those roles for each other over the course of our marriage. The couple celebrating their 50th tomorrow have done the same for each other numerous times over the last 50 years.
It takes effort. Perhaps that is why it has fallen out of style. It does not work if you take the easy way out. And that is what society encourages nowadays. Taking shortcuts and skimping on effort.
Discussion (16)
CHARTER MEMBER
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My Aunt (Dad's youngest sister) died last week at the age of 87. She got married on her 20th birthday, and is survived by her husband.
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Marriage is like an investment account. The value grows with regular deposits and compounding interest.
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In truth, in a good marriage each partner serves as an anchor and a wingman for the other partner. You have an advisor in which you can confide, someone to guard your flanks, aa lifeguard to pull you in from deep waters, and someone to provide shelter when you need it.
That paragraph is the quote of the day. Well said. My wife and I celebrate 41 years of marriage this October.
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My parents married at ages 19 and 20 and had been married for 72 years when my father died at age 92. It wasn't always pretty but they stuck it out.
I learned the lesson of picking (and being) the right one for my second marriage. We had been married for 31 years when my husband died 4 years ago. He knew how to keep the embers glowing.
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Jan and I married when she was 19 and I was 21. I've made decisions I have regretted. That was never one of them. The smartest decision of my life.
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