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Quote of the Day: Arrogance

Susan Quinn
@SusanQuinn
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There are two kinds of pride, both good and bad. 'Good pride' represents our dignity and self-respect. 'Bad pride' is the deadly sin of superiority that reeks of conceit and arrogance. --John C. Maxwell

You know the person I’m talking about: the one who always insists she’s right; who can’t stop herself from telling you that you are misinformed, uneducated or just plain wrong; who has to tell you that she told you ahead of time that you were making a bad decision; who has to tell you the bitter truth that you are being foolish, silly, or narrow-minded. This person thinks that telling “the truth” is, above all else, of primary importance, even if she pierces your heart or puts a wound in your self-esteem. Her arrogance isn’t always obvious, but it pops up at the worst times, when you are most vulnerable. You know this person well.

Because I am that person.

Yes, I’m arrogant. It is a trait I’ve struggled with all my life. Early on, it was a great weapon and made me feel powerful and secure. But as I matured, I realized that appearing powerful was not necessarily a positive attribute. In fact, acting strong at the expense of the other person’s feelings wasn’t helpful or often, even necessary. The wounds I left were often lasting. Even apologies often could not heal the damage.

Once I realized how damaging my arrogance could be, I tried to get to the source of my acting on it. When I felt frustrated, vulnerable, embarrassed or stupid, those were some of the times I “acted out.” At other times I was angry at the other person because of his or her ignorance or lack of curiosity about the facts. These were not good reasons for me to behave badly; they were only the poor excuses I identified.

Most recently, I’ve discovered that this old pattern is re-emerging. The following are poor excuses for my behavior, too, but I think overall that it’s the stress I’m experiencing: the war in Gaza, the countless U.S. problems we have that seem unsolvable. And the friends who are suffering at this time due to their own issues; I know I can only pray for them, but it doesn’t seem like enough.

So, my plan is to become more attentive to my reactions to others. I want to take responsibility for those times when I’m triggered; when I’m frustrated or anxious. And then I need to step back, take a few deep breaths and remind myself that the person in front of me is one I care about and want to take good care of, in whatever way I can.

This post was promoted to the Main Feed at the recommendation of Ricochet's members.

Discussion (25)

  • Gossamer Cat@GossamerCat

    The quote reminds me of one that I remember from my high school reading of The Scarlet Ibis by James Hurst. It is a short story that really stuck with me:

    "I did not know then that pride was a wonderful thing, terrible thing, a seed that bears two vines, life and death"

    Susan Quinn (View Post):
    In fact, acting strong at the expense of the other person’s feelings wasn’t helpful or often, even necessary. The wounds I left were often lasting. Even apologies often could not heal the damage.

    That was me also, and still is to a degree. But I try really hard to stop myself before I go too far. I know that for myself, it stems from a deep sense of insecurity.

  • Susan Quinn@SusanQuinn
    ReplyingtoGossamer Cat

    Gossamer Cat (View Comment):

    The quote reminds me of one that I remember from my high school reading of The Scarlet Ibis by James Hurst. It is a short story that really stuck with me:

    “I did not know then that pride was a wonderful thing, terrible thing, a seed that bears two vines, life and death”

    Susan Quinn (View Post):

    Susan Quinn (View Post):
    In fact, acting strong at the expense of the other person’s feelings wasn’t helpful or often, even necessary. The wounds I left were often lasting. Even apologies often could not heal the damage.

    That was me also, and still is to a degree. But I try really hard to stop myself before I go too far. I know that for myself, it stems from a deep sense of insecurity.

    Indeed. For me, too. How to overcome one's insecurity is a huge task. Or I at least try to know when it's rearing its ugly head.

  • Susan Quinn@SusanQuinn

    I think we are seeing arrogance in all its ugly forms in our President, Joe Biden. His insistence on running again for office, his reputation for discounting advice he receives, his fear of the potential for war in the Middle East, his willingness to serve the wishes of China, Russia and Iran--because he can--shows us all arrogance at his worst.

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