Larry King of the Wild Frontier: OKC for New Year’s

I will leave Incheon on December 31st in the afternoon and arrive in OKC in the afternoon on December 31st. That’s the fun time-travel part about going back to the US. It was 75 degrees on Christmas in OKC, and it’s still purty swell weatherwise. My transfer is in Dallas, so as we start our descent, I will wave to all of y’all across America from the plane.

The last time I routed through Dallas, there was a tornado. I got stuck overnight at the airport and the airline lost all my luggage. Let’s hope history doesn’t repeat nor rhyme.

With no ado, let’s launch into another tribute to the Larry King USA Today columns of days passed.

Leaving Asia always leaves me disoriented…

I got a new dog the other day. You’d like her. She’s fetching…

I guess a lot of Vietnamese weddings are “Nguyen-Nguyen” situations…

Adding the words “industrial complex” after another word doesn’t make you smarter, but it sure might make you FEEL smarter…

You never hear about medium kahunas…

When I’m watching football and the referee throws a penalty flag for illegal formation, I want to see some arrests and prosecutions…

Nature abhors a vacuum. I abhor stringy avocados.

Hey, nose! If you’re going to run, RUN. None of this passive-aggressive occasional drip.

Santa Claus is never listless...

Try as I may, I just can’t gin up any excitement over a bagel.

Everything’s coming up neurosis.

This time of year, I sneeze about five times in the first few minutes after waking up. Why don’t I just sneeze while I’m asleep?

A cheerful channeler is a happy medium…

Any pilots on Ricochet? I might want to hijack your post.

I have a theory that it’s just one person who is responsible for all the ugly abstract sculptures in front of office buildings worldwide.

In the office, carrying a clipboard can cover a multitude of sins…

The surge in support for socialism raises a lot of red flags…

In the old days, getting someone’s goat could be a crime.

Speaking of goats, if you’re listening to a game recap on the radio, how do you distinguish the G.O.A.T. from the goat?

Do we have to keep complimenting Brits on their accents? Are we trying to mitigate our guilt for gloating over Yorktown?

Remember sports pennants? I used to love the prop pennants in movies that just said, “STATE.”

I guess it would be MORE humiliating to be hoisted on someone else’s petard.

No matter how long the bug has been dead, if the broom touches it, it will briefly resurrect.

Paid protestors sure stay busy. They’re burning the flag at both ends.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot? No…

Let’s knock it on the head for now. Thank you if you made it this far. Happy New Year to all y’all. I will wave from the plane.