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(San Diego, CA) Carlotta Miguel Gallardo, a resident of Logan Heights and a Spanish-speaking immigrant to the United States, spoke through an interpreter about the alarming and outrageous incident that took place the other morning at her home. This is what we’ve been able to gather from Ms. Gallardo’s account:
“I was out of my house the other morning and waiting at the beach for a shipment of candy to arrive from Colombia to be loaded into our van – a shipment that never arrived by the way - when I got an alert from my Ring camera that masked, barbaric ICE storm troopers had broken down my front door and seized my kitty cat, Felix Zambada Fuentes. My kitty cat is a harmless and productive immigrant cat with beautiful tattoos on his neck and face. He has been here for years and has absolutely no criminal record here in America!! This is outrageous!”
When Ms. Gallardo was asked whether she had received an acknowledgment from either the Department of Homeland Security, the FBI, or Border Patrol about the status or current location of her cat, she responded, “No.”
What has America become when even an immigrant’s pet is at risk for arrest and deportation? This appears to be another egregious example of how the Trump administration is crushing the human rights of those who take care of harmless pets, live peaceful, productive lives and do the work that Americans refuse to do.
CORRECTION: It has become evident that Felix Zambada Fuentes was not, in fact, a kitty cat but a 38-year-old Colombian national living in this country illegally. Mr. Fuentes has been deported at least five previous times and has served time in prison for drug and sex trafficking and human smuggling. We apologize for the earlier representation of Mr. Fuentes as a cat and believe it to be the result of a translation error from Spanish to English.
COMMUNITY NOTES: New video evidence has shown that ICE agents did not break down Ms. Gallardo’s door but rang the doorbell, and Mr. Fuentes, who appeared either intoxicated or feeling the effects of a narcotic, answered the door dressed only in his underwear.
UPDATE: During the arrest of Mr. Fuentes, Ms. Gallardo’s cat, Chica, ran out the front door and is still at large in the area. Ms. Gallardo seemed to be very upset and animated. She was holding a photograph of Chica while she was being interviewed about the arrest of Mr. Fuentes. If you have any information on the whereabouts of Ms. Gallardo’s cherished pet, please contact local authorities.
Today's satire. Tomorrow's headlines.
Discussion (15)
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Check with a Haitian.
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This is up there with Babylon Bee. Thanks for the laugh. You did forget to add that not only is Senor Fuentes harmless but is probably an aspiring rapper when not attending community college so that he can go to medical school and cure cancer.
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Nope. Today's headlines.
latimes.com
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You may have intended your satire to mirror this actual report.
The LATimes headlines and begins its report with an implication that immigration officers kidnapped a toddler child. Only much later does the LATimes bother to report that the father of the child left the child in his car as the father attacked the immigration officers. So the immigration officers arrested the father (apparently a U.S. citizen, but who had committed a clear crime). Per standard procedure, when a child is with a person arrested for a crime, the law enforcement officers take the child to a safe place until they can find a suitable family member to whom to release the child.
It's not clear what the "reporter" thought law enforcement was supposed to do with a two year old child in a Dodger stadium parking lot after the child's father had been arrested for assaulting law enforcement officers. Leave the child unattended? Hand the child to any person who appeared in the parking lot who claimed to be connected to the family?
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I doubt that Nick has the atrophied "musical" "talent" required to even aspire to rap, but that's only because I have standards for such things.
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