The Lada Maintenance Society

The following post is intended only for members of the International Jewish Conspiracy. If you're the average 'Dick and Harry' who don't happen to qualify, don't bother reading on. If you're sympathetic to the International Jewish Conspiracy then you are welcome to proceed. But don't let anybody know what you've read - it's a secret.

Okay, enough with the preliminaries. Let's get on with the conspiracy stuff....

Let's start with something basic: what forms a really strong ethno-conspiracy? I could probably ask a sociologist or somebody and get all sorts of fancy answers, but I imagine they'd start with some nice fluffy stuff like shared experiences, shared values and shared goals. Of course, when you really get down to it, the strongest basis of an ethno-conspiracy is something far more powerful: Shared Sacrifice.

There are a few different kinds of shared sacrifice. The first kind of shared sacrifice is essentially voluntary. It involves people willing to fight and/or die for something. Christian martyrs. Ukrainians (whether of Russian or Ukrainian Ethnicity). American revolutionaries. Palestinian terrorists. There is a price paid, willingly, in blood. It is a kind of human sacrifice in the name of… X.

The bonds that are formed through voluntary sacrifice are powerful. This is why the Classic Jaguar Owners Club is so much stronger than the Lexus Owners Association.

Of course, there is another kind of identity-forming sacrifice. That is the involuntary sacrifice: We see it with black slaves in America, assimilated Jews in Nazi Germany and Peace Now activities who lived on the border with Gaza. They don’t want to fight. They don’t want to resist. They don’t (necessarily) “stand up for who they are.” They would much rather fit in and get along.

And yet they are oppressed and killed because of their identity. They have no choice.

This sort of involuntary sacrifice can also form a powerful identity. The thing is: the resulting identity is formed by others. Southern slave masters and their follow-on oppressors defined American blacks as a group. Before, they were people who happened to come from a variety of West African ethnicities who may not have seen each other as forming any sort of group. In the Jewish case, Nazis have had an outsize role in defining Judaism. How many times have you heard: “Of course he’s a Jew (despite the fact he doesn’t identify as one or practice any aspect of the faith) – Hitler would have killed him!”

That Jew they're talking about is locked in by that involuntary sacrifice.

Can you imagine a Catholic saying: “of course he’s a Catholic (despite the fact he doesn’t identify as one or practice any aspect of the faith)! Emperor Diocletian would have fed him to the lions!”

By and large the Catholic, whether through calling or some other means, chooses to be Catholic.

The Jew doesn't get a choice. We don't necessarily die for our beliefs. We die for our being.

This brings us to this week's Torah reading and the story of Nadav and Avihu.

Nadav and Avihu, Aaron’s sons, made a mistake sufficiently unclear that we argue about what exactly it was, even today. I’ve got my theories and have talked about them in the past. The important thing is: G-d kills them. And then He declares that He has been sanctified through their deaths. The idea of sanctification is simple enough: G-d is timeless and this extreme punishment serves as a vivid reminder that His laws are timeless and unchanging. There are a million varieties and explanations of this theme. Just attend pretty much any speech in a synagogue this Sabbath.

The thing is, as extreme as they are, these deaths don’t stand alone. It seems every major transformation of the people is presaged by an unwilling sacrifice. Avram (and Terach) leave Ur Kasdim because Haran (another of Terach’s sons) dies in front of Terach’s eyes. The Jewish people leave Egypt, but not before an unnumbered generation of children are drowned in the Nile. The Aron Hakodesh (Holy Ark) is moved to Jerusalem, but not before Uzziah is struck down trying to prevent it from falling. An entire generation is exterminated in the desert before the people can come to the land of Israel. The Holocaust occurs before the foundation of the Modern State of Israel.

Again and again, G-d takes an unwilling sacrifice from the people. G-d is sanctified through death. It goes so far that the Jewish people say the Kaddish – literally the ‘Sanctification’ – as a marker of every death. We say it in the lingua franca (at least of the time it was written) of Aramaic so that it is clear what it means. The prayer starts with: “May His great name be exalted and sanctified.” The central phrase is: “May His great name be blessed for ever, and to all eternity!”

Holiness is timelessness and G-d is somehow sanctified with every death.

It isn't a pleasant thought.

It also sets the Jews apart. We are a nation defined by unwilling sacrifice. But we aren’t really defined by the Hitlers, Ferdinands, Czars, Peasants, Emperors, Hellenists or Pharaohs who we think were persecuting us. The Nazis don’t define who a Jew is. No, we were, and are, defined by G-d.

G-d is behind every persecution. Every loss. Every slaughter.

(Sorry haters, you're just tools - but you shouldn't be reading this anyway. And, no, you aren't tools who are rewarded for your G-dly inspired efforts (see Deut 32:41-42) - you're just tools.)

Getting back to the main thread. If you ignore the nature of sacrifice and look for the other things that define a people, they just don’t apply. The Jewish people are not a people organically developed. We didn’t live in one location and learn to cooperate and form some sort of society and identity. We were always defined as not belonging. The very name of the people Ivrim (Hebrews) means ‘other siders.’ No, the Jewish people’s culture and freedom and initiative were erased by displacement and slavery and suffering again and again and again. From Germany, to Egypt, to Israel itself – we have never belonged. We are defined by displacement. We are defined by G-d alone. Our identity has been forged by the unwilling sacrifices – taken by our G-d.

If we actually define ourselves as G-d’s people. If we walk in G-d’s path – as a people – as creators and embracers of His holiness… then the cycle of exile and slaughter will have ended. But if not? At the beginning of Chapter 30, the Book of Devarim (Deuteronomy) describes the people being brought back from the edges of the heavens – as if we live off-planet. I believe that it is possible that we will be exiled once again. It is possible that the word ‘Kaddish’ will remain as associated with loss and suffering as it is with joy, peace and blessing.

We aren't voluntarily sacrificing for a cause - ala the Palestinians (nyuk, nyuk). We aren't involuntarily sacrificing - like Black slaves in America. No, we are in a third group. We are being sacrificed until we realize and live up to our mission in life. It is almost as if we are condemned to being members of the Lada Maintenance Society - as punishment for not realizing the power of the free market.

The thing is, we don’t have to be a part of the Lada Maintenance Society. The Hondas of Redemption remain at the ready, complete with warm engines, synthetic leather seats and maybe even lane-keeping assistance.

All we need to do is acknowledge G-d as a people, and our reality will forever be altered.

We can escape our cycle of sacrifice.

How, though?

Thankfully, some people are making realistic efforts to move our people forward. If you’ve read this far, I’d love to highlight the work of Tenuat Aseret https://aseret.org.il. They aren’t trying to make everybody Datiim (religious), they are trying to ground all Jews – from Haredim (black hatters) to Chilunim (secular Jews) in the common footing of the Aseret Hadibrot (Ten Commandments). They are reinforcing a touchstone at the core of our national purpose.

Rav Shalom Shwartz, who founded the organization, is a friend and a fellow reader of my work. He and his team successfully bring together Jews from all walks of life. His goal isn’t ‘pluralism’ or the building of bridges; those concepts are based on compromise and not growth. Instead, he wants to raise everybody up by exposing them all to the beauty they can all shed on the Aseret Hadibrot.

He told me about a seminar he was leading once. A Chiluni woman from Tel Aviv was sitting next to a Haredi man from Bnei Brak. She had an insight on some part of the Ten Commandments and the Haredi man turned to her and said, “That is the most insightful thing I’ve ever heard on this subject.”

She was shocked, “Don’t you study this your whole life?”

The answer, of course, is ‘no’.

Shalom and his organization are bringing them all, no matter their background, to a new level of involvement and awareness.

Tenuat Aseret is leading a fundraising drive right now. I attended a pump-it-up session led by Jews from all walks of life – not just Israeli and not just Dati. Heck, one of the highlight speakers was a woman born in Syria (father a Sunni) who was raised in Lebanon (mother a Shia) who grew up hating Jews so completely that she had a panic attack in a Strasbourg grocery store the first time she saw a Jew. Now, she's converting (see Arabs Ask on Instagram).

I guess she wants to be a part of our conspiracy.

Anyway, whether or not you are Jewish, if you want to keep the Jewish people together and connected to our mission – and allow our people to be defined by a greater goal and not by our enemies’ hatred – then few are doing more critical work than Tenuat Aseret.

I personally would be chuffed by your support. I committed to trying to raise 5,000 NIS ($1340).

Let me know if you decide to do it. The page is here. 😊