Ugliness you can hear

I used to enjoy Facebook. In fact, I thought it was performing a valuable public service, helping families and friends stay in touch with one another, sharing pictures of kids and pets, and bringing us all closer together. When I realized that Facebook was collecting information on all of us to sell to the highest bidder, I became less of a fan and spent a lot less time on the site. But I have changed my mind again. I found a page that has renewed my faith in Facebook, and even, dare I say, in humanity itself.

I speak, of course, of the Facebook page dedicated to Bad Album Art. It's simply wonderful.

As I scroll through this page, and lose myself in the sheer beauty of the ugliness of it all, I find myself strangely drawn to the music on these remarkable albums. I haven't actually had the courage to listen yet, but after a couple more bourbons, perhaps I will. Maybe today is the day. After all, today is YOUR lucky day, because I'm going to share my joyous discovery with you. Take these, for example:

At this point, I was thinking that those rural, devout Christians are not the snappiest dressers. And, I myself am a rural, devout Christian, and my wife and daughters do make the occasional comment about my lack of fashion sense. So perhaps I should look at more rock and roll-type of albums, rather than gospel. Those will obviously show more fashion sense:

Ok, so maybe rock and roll fashion is even more absurd than gospel. Who'da thunk it? Well, those who sing love songs will be better dressed. After all, they're trying to attract the opposite sex, right? Worth a try:

Hmmm...

Well, maybe this is just an example of modern fashion being a mess. Let's go back to the classics, back when people really knew how to dress:

Ok, so maybe it's not the era or the style of music. Perhaps it's just that musicians can hear beauty, but cannot see it. Hard to say, I suppose.

I know that many of you are struggling after the hurricane, so I mercifully showed only three examples of just a few genres. I hesitate to add to your suffering, but there is much more. I don't know how to link to a Facebook page, but you can look it up, and find many equally wonderfully horrifying examples for yourself. Share the exceptional ones below—if you don't care about human suffering.

But just imagine someone from another country trying to assess our culture by looking at our music—or rather, the album covers. Someone from China, or Congo, or California. They would think that Americans are, um, a bit odd. Or perhaps very odd.

And perhaps we are. Perhaps that's why I feel so drawn to this beautiful ugliness. What could be more American?

Or perhaps I should stay off Facebook when I'm drinking. Eh, whatever.

Ok, I've had enough bourbon to venture forth into the actual music. It's got to be on the internet somewhere. Sometimes to find beauty, one must push past the ugliness.

Wish me luck.