Larry King Pleads the Fifth: Time for Another One

Summer was long in Korea this year, but it broke like a thermometer on the tile, and abruptly ended last Thursday. Went from a high of 90 to a high of 75 and hasn’t looked back. As I tilted my head in wonder, like an intrigued cocker spaniel, these thoughts fell onto my shoulder like so much white stuff:

A good name for an Islamic girlie calendar would be “Ji-hotties.”

If you bring a knife to a gunfight, is it still really a gunfight?

I think the least useful superpower would be a super sense of smell. At first, I was going to go with a super-high capacity bladder, but that could prove useful during extended bouts of crime-fighting.

The last time I tried to go shopping at Target, I couldn’t get in. There was a sign on the big door that said “Service Animals Only.” I couldn’t find the door for people.

Reminds me of another problem I encountered once in a Walmart bathroom. There was a sign that said, “Employees must wash hands.” I couldn’t get an employee to wash mine.

I like all manner of ships. I like a sailing ship, fellowship, friendship, mentorship, kinship. But ships have a dark side too: dictatorship.

A Tesla can be charged with battery and so can people.

I honestly can’t remember if I’ve seen “Total Recall.”

I know tartar sauce and mayo are different, but I have no idea how.

If you are nonplussed, does that mean you are minused?

I think Teddy Grahams are delicious but ultimately emasculating.

When we say “not to mention,” we doggone well ARE going to mention it.

If you ever need to solve a murder, the first thing you need to do is buy a ball of red yarn.

I saw a wet market in Malaysia and tried to look away. All I could think of was eminent ptomaine laws.

There’s a Nat King Cole song I’ve been trying to remember. There was even a posthumous “duet” recording of him singing it with his daughter. The melody, words and title all escape me.

Think about it. Somewhere, long ago, the prettiest girl in school was named Bernice.

I don’t think I’ve ever been in cahoots with anyone.

They say you can indict a ham sandwich, and if it’s ever done, I think the trial should be televised.

I don’t like visors. I will never wear one. Mark my words.

If you ever suddenly get a hankering for a fireworks show, close your eyes and rub them real hard.

I’m not quite ready for Bass Pro Shop, but I’m doing pretty good at Bass Amateur.

While everyone is boarding the plane and putting their luggage in the overhead bins, why is there always that one guy going the other way? Where did he come from?

Adding pumpkin spice willy-nilly, without adding the pumpkin flavor, is a fool’s errand and should be discouraged.

Thank you for reading this, and watch out for North Korean trash balloons.