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The beginning of this essay should start at the beginning. For almost all of human history, societies have been governed by men, and those societies did not treat women as political equals. For almost all of human history, cultures have been dominated by men, and most such cultures condoned individual men dominating individual women. Needless to say, almost any complaint or criticism feminists wish to hurl at men has plenty of historical validity.
Modern feminism began over 50 years ago. My beef with feminists is that they refuse to acknowledge they won. Discrimination against women is extinct in America. In fact, the opposite is now true. (But this essay is not going to complain about that for a reason given below.) “You go, girl!” has been the universal anthem of our times for decades.
The subject of this essay is not the current condition of men and women in America. The subject is the future condition of masculinity in America.
Traditional masculinity includes an instinct to protect and provide for the family. That is our role. That is why we exist. That is what makes us happy.
Traditional masculinity includes fully valuing both economic and non-economic contributions to the family by others. Traditional masculinity views marriage as a full, equal partnership regardless of economics.
Traditional masculinity includes Never Hit a Woman. It also includes a duty to protect women and children generally.
Traditional masculinity includes Big Boys Don’t Cry which also means Big Men don’t whine and complain. To “man up” means to shut up and do your job. In today’s jargon it means Real Men refuse to be a victim even when they have been victimized.
Traditional masculinity includes not seeking praise for doing your duty. Any praise beyond the occasional “Good Job” makes Real Men uncomfortable. Real Men do their best for internal reasons, not external reasons.
Traditional masculinity includes an inner drive to compete. Sometimes the competition has clear rules with easily identified winners and losers. Sometimes not. If there is no opponent available, we’ll challenge ourselves. Real Men despise participation trophies. Winners get the prize. Losers get the satisfaction of competing.
Traditional masculinity includes Don’t Cheat. If there are rules, follow them. If no rules, compete with honor. Real Men can trust other Real Men.
Traditional masculinity includes individualism. Teamwork is required in certain sports and warfare. Otherwise, Real Men prefer to be judged as individuals and not as part of a group. Failure is an individual failure. Own it. Learn from it. Blame no one, and move on. Real Men want no part of other people’s success. They want earned success, not freeloaders’ success.
Traditional masculinity values results, not effort, and not intentions. Real Men don’t make excuses for failure, and they don’t expect to get rewarded for trying. Real Men understand that both good luck and bad luck are real and that results are not always fair. That’s life.
Modern Masculinity has zero problems with women having 100% political and social equality. When it comes to economic equality, however, modern men want all economic success to be earned. Therefore, men are in favor of equal pay for equal work and equal pay for equal results. Real Men are not okay with equal pay because of fairness.
So, the question asked in this essay is this: Does modern society consider any of the above “toxic”? If so, what parts? Why? Please explain. Do all men honor all the above all the time? No. Does that discredit masculinity itself? No.
Before anyone makes their list of bad things they think stem from traditional masculinity, here is my short list of good things I think stem from traditional masculinity: everything.
G-Pub
PS: Nothing in this essay purports to give advice to men or women regarding their personal relationships with each other. This postscript, however, is going to close with a little bit of snark in that regard. First, polls show that all the appropriate feminist gains over the last 50 years have not resulted in an increase in happiness among women. Second, the amount of truth in the following joke is underappreciated. These days, some define modern feminism as unhappy women lecturing happy women that they are doing it wrong.
PPS: I will permit Democrats to pretend they wrote this essay for a lot less than $20 million.
Discussion (42)
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I think I understand the point of what you are saying and I agree. It's not easy to express this in words without going astray and creating openings that allow or encourage someone to say you missed something or you got it wrong. I like your words and your intent and find no fault.
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I think you got it exactly right. I had written my views on feminism a while back. I also feel the war is over and we can lay down our arms and celebrate and appreciate the differences between men and women. The attempts now to go farther and obliterate differences between the sexes are destructive to both men and women. They lead to grievance and unhappiness instead of love and partnership. Modern feminism seems to celebrate when women adopt the worst excesses of men rather than their best ideals, all of which you articulate above.
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The pendulum swings. I just wish people, especially educators, would stop shoving it and let it settle down in the minimally messy middle.
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A couple of my friends* made these two Comments:
and
They express my thoughts perfectly.
The first one is especially appealing: it is eloquent to the point of poetry. Makes me want to memorize it and use it when needed.
*Sorry, I can’t remember their names.
[TAGS: Serious comments except for one attempt at Humour, in the last sentence.]
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Great post!
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