So Look as Ugly as You Can

Some online video shorts ooze bitterness over the alleged large-scale mistreatment of females in this country by, say, medical professionals (one of these series was called "an apple a day keeps misogyny away"). But the video I'm describing in this post wasn't one of those; the hostess was engaging and seemed sweet in relating her story.

It went something like this: she had a friend who'd learned how to enhance what was hitherto an unsuspected natural beauty lying latent beneath a mousy, big-glasses type who worked at a lab. After this blossoming into her inheritance of good looks, everyone with whom she interacted began treating her differently. For example, if she boarded a bus and realized she didn't have the fare, the driver would waive the payment with an "It's all right, go ahead and take a seat." Before her transformation, she would never have encountered such generosity.

I was with the vlogger up to a point: it's true that beautiful people are treated differently, and it's not fair or right. Average folks contribute much to society, and can be overlooked for special attention, for jobs, for free treats in coffee shops just for showing up* in favor of pretty faces. I've witnessed this preference for beauty in public places--perhaps you have, too. However, I couldn't agree, at least not fully, with the hostess's takeaway. The reason for this phenomenon, she posits, is that the patriarchal system wants to groom women to please the men, to keep women in their place. And the solution? You wanna resist those powerful old men? Look as ugly as you can.

Whooh, wow. Where do I start? First of all, I don't believe most men are really thinking that hard about being drawn to beautiful women. It's not a plot, not even a subtle one, to "train" women to do anything. And yet--and yet, there are often seeds of truth in destructive perspectives that make them harder to refute. Sure, men who want to use women, to debase them and to keep them in their place do exist. There are cultures, including sub-cultures in the US, that do want women to be eager to please and stay on men's good side without regard for women's own humanity and flourishing. Furthermore, lavishing attention and kindness on other human beings merely because of their outward appearance--while ignoring those to whom nature hasn't gifted quite so much--betrays a lack of character.

However, painting the culture at large as having nefarious intentions when lovely women get attention is a mistake. Men get twitterpated around beauty, always have and always will. No evil patriarchy needed to carry out these deeds. Some of these men are noble, and some are not. And guess what? Women are fascinated by other women's looks, too. Although beauty is like a genetic coincidence, we can't ignore it. Our obsession seems deeply rooted in human nature.

Also, women are gaga over good-looking men. Recent example: I was sitting at a restaurant bar with a family member--I won't say who. (Okay, it was my little brother.) And the servers were acting somewhat . . . well, a younger one was showing off for him. Even one older lady was extra nice, offering bonus coffee to carry out as we left. I told him what I'd seen later, and he hadn't noticed. "Well, good to know," he said.

Also, I was at a Walmart recently and noticed the tall, fit self-checkout supervisor with neatly trimmed dark beard and judged that an unusual proportion of women would suddenly be finding themselves in a quandary with their groceries and selecting the "help" button that would summon assistance from whoever was on duty. (I actually called for help, but it wasn't because of that. The machine wouldn't read the barcode on my bag of sweet onions, no matter what I tried. He quickly set it right and he was very courteous.)

Based on this video, though, I should tell my brother to grow his hair out all shaggy, wear baggy sweats, stop going to the gym, and quit his good job to take up his college vocation of delivering pizzas again. After all, the matriarchal system is out to make him a charming doormat to serve their own dark purposes, and he must start resisting their nefarious schemes before it's too late.

*a situation I witnessed