The Importance of Everyday Kindness

Everything that is big started small. From a concept that starts with just a fleeting notion, to a relationship that is triggered by nothing more than brief eye contact, we know that small beginnings, literal or metaphorical seeds, have the potential to change everything.

This is one reason why we should try to teach children to be kind and to show consideration for others. Positive and constructive behavior makes a huge difference to both the individual and to the community – and we can see on the internet the difference between interactions dominated by trolls and nastiness, compared to, say, Ricochet. Good and bad behavior both can metastasize, and they all start from first interactions, from initial connections and first impressions.

It is a great deal harder to overcome a negative first impression than to simply make the effort to connect positively at the very beginning.

What does that early effort look like? The smallest of tokens: holding a door, a kind word, a sympathetic shrug, good manners. These have enormous value, even (and probably especially) when they are not heartfelt and sincere. Being nice to someone counts even when we are faking it.

The Torah is full of these kinds of tokens – examples when things go well, and when they do not. Being kind to strangers and guests is part of Avraham’s core identity – and Rivka’s as well. On the other hand, Leah and Jacob never seem to get over Jacob’s initial reaction to being given the wrong sister; it is a problem in the relationship that persists for the rest of their lives.

The Torah even tells us to bring first fruits as a token gift to G-d. First fruits are the very worst: they are stunted, small and usually bitter. But they are still the first. And starting with something is always better than not starting at all. It is why great marriages are built on the little things that, over time, grow like compounding interest.

It is the late harvest, the end of the season, that yields the sweetest fruits of all. This happens after an entire season — for some plants, the end of their lives.

Isn’t the lesson here quite poignant? That if we are careful to bring the first fruits, then we are more likely to enjoy the late fruits, the quiet, beautiful satisfaction of sharing a sunset with the person with whom you have invested a lifetime together?

In order to get there, though, we must start with that first glance, the first greeting or nod of the head.