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Dateline: Monday, March 4th, 2026. I am writing to you from the future.
It’s raining this morning in Gyeonggi Province, and about three birds are holding court on the hills outside my window. If you get some poles and walk up that hill and turn left, you can walk to - and up - Bulgok Mountain, which is a pretty modest climb, but nice and green in the spring. Sometimes, I walk these hills and imagine the world as I would like it: a world in which Larry King was still writing his USA Today column. Hence the following:
Prison transfers in movies rarely end well…
I’ve never seen a can of worms…
If I were conducting job interviews for a getaway driver, I guess the first question I would ask is, “Are you punctual?”
My friend hates French food, so we say he’s “persona non gratin”…
I want to die of supernatural causes…
For most medieval Europeans, resistance was feudal…
I’m reasonably sure I’ve never fomented ANYTHING…
I’ve come to this conclusion, and it may sound counterintuitive: You WANT a bald barber. Hear me out. That is a man who knows the value of hair. That is a man who has stayed up nights thinking about hair. That is a man who will give his utmost. A man who CARES. That is a man who has battled to the end to save hair…
Come on. Do bay leaves really do anything?
Just think, in a parallel universe, it was “Marcus Welby D.D.S.”
One of my pet peeves is sports merchandise with the right logo but the wrong colors…
Nobody has ever successfully walked amok…
I want to live somewhere where time is not of the essence…
There are many Indian reservation newspapers in the US, and each one has an editor-in-chief…
Much ado, further ado… There’s always going to be some level of ado…
The flashier the shoe, the less the wearer exercises…
One monkey doesn’t stop the show, but as the number of monkeys increases, the likelihood of the show stopping increases, as does the likelihood of the monkeys BECOMING the show…
I eat lunch regularly, but I’ve never attended a “luncheon”…
If your heart isn’t in the right place, see a cardiologist…
Does the term “self-driving car” imply that these cars have a sense of self?
Are there other capades besides the “Ice Capades”?
I find it strange that we leave a lot of legal work up to the Attorney General, when what we need is an Attorney Specific…
Spirit is a receding airline…
I’ve taken the brunt, but never given it…
Worst case scenario: the Bluetooth speaker in your backpack turns on, and a whole bus full of Koreans hears twenty blaring seconds of The Clash, while you try to figure out what’s happening. (True story)
Goodnight, America.
Discussion (10)
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March 3, 2026, is the future?
Am I missing something?
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I'm missing it too.
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My little brother mastered this skill early in life.
And failed.
Escapades.
Great set. Thanks.
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ado b. brothers
Really?
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Good episode in a good series. The guy who invented this artform, RIP, never exceeded it for sublimity, or if he did, it was not by much.
Not living in America is obviously a life of suffering for an English-speaking person. But I wonder if great Variations on a Theme by Larry King can only come from such pain, such a sensation of remoteness.
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