Do You Suffer From Resting Progressive Face?

Resting Progressive Face (RPF) can be crippling to those affected by it. It is characterized by smugness, perfectionism, utopianism, a lack of empathy, issuing empty threats to move to Canada, a strong belief in scientism and an inability to understand the Electoral College. It is particularly common among figures in media, politics, academia, teachers unions and the senior U.S. senator from Massachusetts.

Those who experience it describe being frequently offended, appalled, misgendered and confused about the source of economic prosperity. They sometimes fall into a spiral of moral exhibitionism and hysteria that prevents them donning MAGA hats even if it means avoiding jury duty.

More and more public figures have been diagnosed with Resting Progressive Face, including Keith Olbermann, Adam Schiff and Ohio governor Mike DeWine. In a recent episode of The Rachel Maddow Show, the show's namesake acknowledged her struggle with the condition which has afflicted her since college. Once an attractive young woman with long flowing blonde hair, the aggressively butch MSNBC anchor now sports spunky short hair and self-consciously nerdy glasses.

Maddow's MSNBC colleague Joe Scarborough has suffered from RPF since birth. The hyper-preppy host of Morning Joe was born with coke-bottle glasses, a subdued sweater and an "I'm in Congress" haircut. His smug, supercilious mug defies all known treatments, such as acknowledging that the facts of life are conservative.

California congressman Adam Schiff (D., CA-30th) suffers from a particularly devastating form of RPF, resulting in him winning the extremely competitive “Most Punchable Man In Washington" competition for twelve consecutive years.

There is no cure for Resting Progressive Face, though researchers say that promising remedies include getting married, having children, starting a business, making a payroll, paying taxes, moving to Idaho and developing a rock-bottom respect for others regardless of their politics or station in life.