Do You Have the Time? Racist! You’re a Racist!!

If you thought we lived in a world where everything was awesome (cue the earworm), you’re obviously deluding yourself and haven’t taken the time to consider that time itself is racist. Clearly the so-called genius Albert Einstein only studied White Time in his theoretical work on relativity. The frazzled-haired, white German never once considered that not only was time relative given its relationship to gravity and the speed of light, but that time itself was inherently racist. Perhaps if Einstein were Black or an Islamist, he might have come up with something more accurate in explaining the workings not only of time but also how massively unfair and racist it often is. But, alas, no. It has taken these geniuses (below) to set the record straight about time, and it’s about time that they did.

Of course, I'd like to really dig into their profound revelations about White Time and Black Time and how time is racist because it’s an oppressive burden on black and other marginalized communities, especially in academia - but I haven’t the time. Law Professor Jonathan Turley, no doubt an adherent to White Time throughout his academic career and therefore a racist, has taken the time (his own unburdened and privileged but obviously inherently racist time) to address and dare to criticize the findings and work of these dedicated academics here.

We have previously discussed how many professors seem to compete in finding new forms of racism in every facet of society and education.

Astrophysics, math, runoffs, science, statistics, and meritocracy have all been denounced as racist. In this academic cottage industry, professors secure publications and speaking opportunities by identifying racism in the expressions, images, or entire fields. It was, therefore, only a matter of time before time itself was declared racist.

Zakia Essanhaji, a professor of “organizational ethnography” at Vrije Universiteit Amsterdam, is the latest to make the case against “white time.” Her recent paper titled “Academic time theft: stealing time, producing racialized inclusion in Dutch academia” builds on prior work condemning time as racist.

Rutgers Women’s and Gender Studies/Africana Studies Professor Brittney Cooper has also written about how time is racist. Mainstream media has positively cooed at the suggestion, including an interview with NPR. Cooper claimed that “white people own time” after framing the concept of time in “histories of European and Western thought.”

There is also apparently black time: “Time has a history, and so do black people. But we treat time as though it is timeless, as though it has always been this way, as though it doesn’t have a political history bound up with the plunder of indigenous lands, the genocide of indigenous people and the stealing of Africans from their homeland.”

If you have the time, I encourage you to read the whole article by Professor Turley, even though he is clearly a white racist academic. If you're still operating on White Time, it may be time you stopped. You're only being racist. The clock is ticking.