‘I Am Verklempt!’

In fact, I have been verklempt since the election…that is, when I’m not screaming at the walls, at the piles of laundry, or at the cowardly Uber Eats drivers who drop off my food without waiting for a tip and run away. You’d think they’ve never seen a 425 lb. trans woman with purple and neon-green hair, piercings, face tattoos, and stubble whose mascara is running before.

I can’t seem to get anything done. My ten or twelve or so cats are no longer a comfort to me. Their litter box is in need of cleaning. I’m afraid to go outside because all my neighbors are racists and misogynists, and I know I will be attacked. Look at what America has become! Look what all the racists and homophobes and misogynists voted for. Not a single obese transgender or gender-fluid person of color has been nominated by Trump Hitler in his fascist, Christian, white supremacist, genocidal Zionist stormtrooper cabinet and there isn’t likely to be.

And yesterday, get this: yesterday, I received a letter that I am expected to actually show up at my cubicle in D.C. instead of working from home. I’m so upset, I’m actually considering accepting Hitler’s buyout offer to leave my job as a crisis counselor in the Health and Human Services agency.

- Aurora Gemini Pinkhat (my pronouns are ze, zee, zea, zimmy, zoe, zono, zip, and zipper)

A GoFundMe page has not been established yet for Aurora Gemini Pinkhat. Please consider starting one. Those wishing to date Aurora can contact zea/zip at eHarmony or Tinder.

The preceding is possibly satire. This post is not authorized for distribution in the United Kingdom or Canada where the satirist may be subject to arrest, imprisonment, and re-education after a visit from the police.