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My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me. --Winston Churchill
In my early 20s, I was skeptical about getting married: Too many people seemed unhappy in their marriages; other people didn’t think that kind of commitment was necessary; still others wanted to remain independent, free to do whatever they wished.
For myself, I was simply scared. I thought I would have to give up too much in a marriage. (I acknowledge that thought was pretty selfish.) I was afraid that I might marry a man who wanted me to do typical “woman things,” so that he could do typical “man things.” I was insecure enough to think I’d make a lousy partner. And I had a slew of other excuses that masked my fear.
Eventually, though, I met a man whom I knew I could trust. I began to realize that I was relying on my mother’s counsel about men. (She meant well.) And I finally decided, although it took a couple of years of convincing, that Jerry fit the bill. He was kind, funny, intelligent, ambitious, shared my values (even though he wasn’t Jewish) and convinced me, rightly, that he was trustworthy. We were married 52 years, yesterday.
I feel sad for people who never get married. Marriage forces us out of our narrow self-absorption, knowing there is another person who shares the relationship, who relies on us to be kind and loving. That other person is not only a spouse, but a friend, a counselor, a mentor, a playmate, and so many other things when the occasion arises. That other person is someone who will comfort you when you are sick, encourage you through tough emotional times, and for me, always helpful at putting things in a more positive perspective. Not only do I love him, but I like him—a whole bunch.
Discussion (40)
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Wow - 52 years! Congratulations on quite an achievement . . .
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Congratulations Susan!
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We had our 47th anniversary last month. Marriage always seemed natural and inevitable from our first conversation. I am currently in a very large rented summer house with our eight adult children and eighteen grandchildren and my bride is hugging toddlers, directing kitchen logistics and in general even more amazing.
I think she knew her own happiness even before we met. Young women with rather brittle fictional notions of what happiness looks like are risky marriage prospects. Women who are looking for a man to both discover and provide that happiness are to be avoided altogether.
Our society does a lousy job of producing young men confident of doing "man things" and presents them with a vast array of aging Disney princesses for whom commitment is highly conditional. It should not be about fixed roles but a total commitment to the project at hand, awareness that there are some asymmetric realities and mostly an awareness of what an extraordinary gift it is to have such a partner, to be in love and try to live that gratitude.
Big congratulations on 52. Well done.
CONTRIBUTOR
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That's a really good-looking couple. Congratualations.
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Oh my goodness, this was me! I did expect Jerry to fill my needs and to become my creation of what he should be!! And then, somehow, I wised up. I realized that I had married a good man who accepted me, and let all that go. We've been happy ever since. Thanks for your good wishes, OB.
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