The Observatory: Affirmations Edition

I am not really into affirmations. Wait, let's back up the truck a minute. I am not really into New Age/New Thought Positive Psychology Affirmations. Old-style affirmations make sense:

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil. Your rod and your staff give me courage.

I need that type of affirmation on a daily basis. Or one of my favorites that's not so old from Pope Benedict XVI:

We are not some casual and meaningless product of evolution. We are each the result of a thought of God. We are each willed, we are each loved, we are each necessary.

Now, take, for example, the back of my Cheerios box.

Notice anything different?

My best is good enough. No, it isn't. That leads directly to complacency and lack of motivation. And if I am the sole judge of what my best is, this could lead to all sorts of mental chaos when I run into someone who does not agree with my self-analysis.

I make the day brighter. Me, me, me and only me.

My perspective is unique and important. But is it really? Let's say you are 10 years old and the Cheerios box is telling you how important your views are. (This assumes that you know the definitions of perspective and unique.) You believe that unicorns exist, and therefore anyone who does not believe that unicorns exist is simply stupid. Is your perspective on unicorns a) unique for a 10-year-old, and b) is what you think about unicorns important in the real world? That would be no and no. Let's say you are 68 years old and think that Donald Trump is a menace /is not a menace. Is your perspective unique? It is likely that about half the population of the US agrees with you, so no, your perspective is not unique. Is it important? To whom? Most likely you will not be able to find 25 people who really care what you think. So also no.

Soy Feliz and Creo en mi. I don't speak this language, so I had to look them up. I am happy and I believe in myself. Sometimes I am not happy. Sometimes it is not appropriate to be happy. Believing in yourself is all well and good, unless that is all you believe in. That may cause some consternation once you crash into reality.

The back of my Cheerios box apparently is following a trend of New Age/New Thought affirmations. The deal there is that you write out all these positive statements, similar to those on the back of the box. Then you post them somewhere so you can read them every day. The positive psychology part of this is to change your thought patterns.

Me, me, me. I, I, I. Personally, I couldn't get through the day only relying on me, myself, and I. Besides, this is way too bossy for me. I do not need my wall to tell me to Make it a GREAT Day! as I walk out the door. It is dangerous in the sense that you can begin to believe that the universe revolves around you because you are beautiful, you are smart, you are the light of the day, etc. Again, reality can come crashing in, and you realize that you have been lying to yourself. This can certainly lead to mental confusion and depression.

Let's take one example: I am beautiful inside and out. Now I have never in my entire existence on this planet been considered beautiful on the outside. (I have seen the historical documents* of the Martians from the 1950's, so maybe on their planet. Not for sure though.) At any rate, I do have a mirror. I would just be lying to myself every day. And on the inside, probably better, but some days I can be a real jerk. But if I am training my mind to believe that I am beautiful inside and out, regardless of my looks or behavior, I am warping my personality to believe something untrue.

It comes down to the fact that it is not all about me, and I can always strive to be better. And, personally, I am a child of God. I don't have to try to convince myself that I am worthy or deserving to be loved. I already know that God loves me and I am always trying to improve myself because in that way I can reciprocate His love.

As to positive psychology. I was not a positive psychology mom. I was a smack on the bottom, go stand in the corner mom. While I can admire some of my kids' tactics with their kids, and do wish I could have done some things differently. Oh well...

I first really ran into positive psychology as a school psychologist intern. This was in the last third of my working life. I was in a school district that had 25 psychs, and we all met for an afternoon once a month. One of the psychs that I had worked with came storming into the meeting, more than a bit frazzled by her morning. She had spent most of that morning chasing a kid around the school. He had Autism and was about one and a half times her size. She was hoping at some point to get him to calm enough to get back to class. She was obviously frustrated by the options open to her in regard to this student. Our lead psych, who by the way, spent her morning with her rear end ensconced in a cushy office chair, loudly announced that the meeting would not start until Megan said something positive. Now that's leadership! You take a young professional who has just had a difficult experience and humiliate her in front of her peers. I believe she mumbled something about the sun shining or some other nonsense, and the meeting was able to begin. It was a good lesson for me. From that point forward, if someone said they only wanted positive comments, and there were none to be had, I would simply state that I was positive this process was a bunch of baloney (or words to that effect).

Realistically, I think that I have a pretty good sense of who and what I am. This feel-good, "I am so wonderful" thought process appears to be nothing more than pretty words with no substance. And while I do believe that thought patterns can be altered, this is not the way to do it.

It's really not all about me. But I am loved. And necessary.

* This is a reference to the movie Galaxy Quest. If you haven't seen it, it is a story about a group of aliens who mistake a space-based TV show for historical documents. Tim Allen, Sigourney Weaver, Alan Rickman, Tony Shalhoub. Two thumbs up. Highly recommend.