Toxic Emasculinity, Part 1: Some Men Are to Blame

I see many articles these days about the “masculinity crisis.” I contend it is not masculinity that is at issue. It is those who promote toxic emasculinity that need challenging.

Doing some very basic research to support my theory, and before I investigated any academic/scientific revelations, I turned to vintage television, specifically programming with intact families and wise fathers. I know what you’re thinking, but do not dismiss that point of reference; in his latest article for Touchstone, a highly respected Christian journal, so did noted writer and Distinguished Professor of Humanities at Thales College Anthony Esolen.

What occurred to me, as I watched, was how brilliant most men were portrayed back in the black and white days. Dads were intelligent and sensible, grandfathers founts of experience, even brothers-in-law were pretty fierce. What happened? Suddenly, somewhere along the 1990s, men got stupid. Worse, women were portrayed as exponentially smarter, while they demeaned and berated their spouses openly and loudly. I ask you, if they were so bright, why marry these bunglers in the first place?

Now, exactly why was Tim Allen admired by men, when he took the gender to a new low in many instances? I guess some considered it funny, but aspirational? Not so much. And what about Ray Romano? The open disdain and disrespect from his TV wife in every episode was repugnant, certainly not comical if you’re on the receiving end. Wait…men like this derision? Why? Well, I guess that’s for another conversation. Then, there was Kevin James. His marital counterpart mocks him most of the time, and Kevin is so…sorry, folks…stupid, he can barely get dressed. Was he a role model for anyone? I think not.

So, where is the common denominator? All were denigrated and degraded by their wives; all were, to a certain extent, inept without that strong, intelligent woman; all were considered ignoramuses by their spouses. Go ahead, fact-check me…count how many times each TV wife calls her husband a derogatory term. Were they lovable, yes. But dopes…no, morons…if you fully internalize the dimwittedness of the portrayal.

And here’s the kicker: Turns out, that these depictions did not originate with women: They were developed, and in some cases, produced by…wait for it…men. Those men. Those loaded-with-dough-now guys. So, whoa…before anyone points fingers…ask why Tim, Ray and Kevin contributed to and perpetuated a very offensive stereotype. One that impacted not only their television offspring, as we see in some episodes, but the wider viewing audience. What exactly has this done to young boys and men growing up in an already male-hostile society?

I am a woman who finds these shows offensive. But where is the pushback from men? I contend that men deserve better treatment than this, especially from other men. I do know that I wouldn’t want to be married to any of these TV representations. And not because of the in-laws.