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Use the Good Silver
‘Tis the season for resolutions. Most will not be kept. But here’s one worth considering—and worth passing on to your kids as well: Use the good silver!
I’m sure my family was not unique, but when I was growing up we never used the good silver. In fact, if we ever had anything that was nice, it was never to see the light of day.
My mother inherited a couple of pieces of classic jewelry from her mother. Oh, you haven’t seen them? All you have to do is get the key to the safe deposit box. It’s right there in front of your eyes. God forbid it should find its way around her neck or dangle from her ears!
The good china? You must be kidding. Once a year at Christmas, when my Grandparents came out from D.C., some of it was used. But never the crystal. Too chancy. It might break.
These were all heirlooms, handed down from great-grandmothers I never met. These prized possessions lived in cupboards or behind glass cases, never to be touched (and in some cases even seen) by actual people. Hidden in attics and basements, we’ve got clocks that aren’t to be wound, a saddle that is never to be ridden, a handmade bridle that is never to be used, and felt cowboy hats that are never to be worn. On the shelves, there used to be old books we were not to open.
My uncle had worked for the State Department in France and later India. He accumulated some cool stuff. The knickknacks are on the shelves. The usable items, like linens and table cloths, have never been unfolded in my lifetime. They might get spilled on.
Now, most people attribute this to a mentality born of being raised during the Depression. I’d buy that, except that I still get a regular dose of it in my own home. One St. Patrick’s Day, my 10-year-old wanted to light the candles. “Oh no, not that candle! And for goodness sake, don’t use the long matches on the mantle. We’re saving them.” For what?
Like your kids probably, mine want to dress like slobs—especially when going to church. So I’ve taken to wearing a coat and tie to set an example. Of course, as I reach into my closet a voice from behind intones, “Not that shirt. It’s just going to have to be ironed.” Which one then?
If we ever entertain, no one—especially the guests—are to use the towels in the bathroom. If one of those little, neatly ironed towels gets wrinkled by a guest drying her hands, we all hear about it the next day. We hang the guest towels on a rack and then put paper towels on the sink for them to use. This is true.
“Don’t use those dishes. They can’t go in the dishwasher.” Call me old-fashioned, but I remember dishes you could eat off and then toss in the dishwasher. I thought that was sort of the idea.
We got a new chair. Now the window shade is constantly pulled so the fabric won’t fade when the sun comes out. Whose dumb idea was it to invent windows, anyway?
There’s a wonderful down comforter on the bed — but you’d better not lie on it. Fortunately, the dishwasher’s empty in case you want to take a little nap. And there are actually pillows on the bed that we are not to sleep on.
I won’t even discuss the great wines. My father was one of the original partners in Freemark Abbey Winery, so we’ve got some dandies. We just never drink them. We’re saving them for the right occasion.
In our house, “use it or lose it” has a slightly different meaning. If you use one thing, you are apt to lose another. Come to think of it, maybe I better “git while the gittin’s good”, in peril of being told that other family treasures may be rationed for only special occasions.
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Dad used to joke about his mother, who would say “I’m saving it for good.” My in-laws had a great stash of wine, including, yes, a 1961 Chateau Margaux. They decided to open the bottle when friends from the UK were visiting; the wine, and all the others in the stash, were opened one by one, and poured…down the drain. In their effort to save the wine “for good,” the stored it improperly–upright, buried cardboard boxes in a hot, then cold, then hot….you get the idea.
After we remodeled the kitchen this past summer, we broke through some of these strictures, I’m happy to say. We pulled down from the attic a set of Franciscan “apple orchard” dishes that had been my great Aunt’s, and are using them for every day. In December, we got the Spode Christmas Tree dishes down from above the fridge and ate off them for the month.
The china, good silver, crystal, and real linens are reserved for holidays – but when the holidays come around, we use them, even with the hand-washing that entails (sorry, the good stuff does NOT go in the dishwasher).
When silver hit $32 /ounce I found a great use for those unused forks and spoons and platters that hadn’t seen a roast in awhile that were sitting in the hutch over the limoges china that is as unused as the Francis I cutlery.
I asked my kids and they all sort of laughed as they hadn’t been able to use it more than a couple of times as they were growing up. I imagine the lead content in the old crystal would qualify the pantry as an EPA superfund site.
Now about the old taxidermy……
I dont use the saddles much either anymore. Although I miss a long ride in the Sespe.
I have a set of limoges china that was bought with my uncle Frank’s mustering out pay from World War I. My grandmother kept it on display in a china cabinet and never used it. My mother kept it not on display in a high cabinet, never used, but broke some cups when she showed them to relatives and lost her balance. The set came to me and is kept in boxes in the closet under the stairs. A small hole was broken in the covered casserole in one of our many moves. I nearly died when I saw it. I am afraid to use these dishes.
I feel your pain. Because my mother is so obsessive in one direction, no shock, I turned 180 degrees in the other. My good wedding china has been used and abused, now chipped and cracked. Only a few pieces left.
Ironically, I do have one set of 12 dishes that ONLY come out at Thanksgiving. I love them and never will be able to replace any of them that get broken … because I bought then 15 years ago at the 99 cents store.
When my dad was still alive I used to joke that if my mom died first I was going to rush home from the funeral and gather up all her good china so the 2nd wife couldn’t use it. Especially since my mother never had.
All joking aside, I have some resentment about my mother’s attitude. She is the opposite of joie de virve. I get a “I am not worthy” vibe from her and it bugs the heck out of me.
I love to use fine china and crystal, it makes me happy. I even let my kids eat off of it–sometimes we eat peanut butter sandwiches on it. Also, I love drinking good wine, but I will at least wait until I can cook something good to go with it.
My mother subscribes to the “it’s too good to use” philosophy and thinks she went dreadfully wrong raising me. I always had this tendency, but we experienced a home robbery about 3 1/2 years ago and all my jewelry was stolen – a lot of it wasn’t valuable, but I’m sentimental about jewelry. I just decided it wasn’t worth waiting because it could disappear or break or be stolen.
Unfortunately the flip side of this tendency to revel in the use is that my house is not beautifully decorated, I can’t keep a full set of china because things break, and occasionally I lose important things. But for me, the constant pleasure of using something that makes me smile, lessens the pain of the breaking or dirtying or losing.
My grandmother gave my siblings and me each a set of beautiful linen pillowcases that she had hem-stitched and crocheted a beautiful edging on for our weddings. Once while at my brother’s house a few years after his wedding I was horrified to see that those were the pillowcases my brother and his wife were actually USING!! And the crocheted edging was starting to become frayed and the pillowcases were slightly stained. I was horrified. Of course, my pillowcases have been neatly folded for the last 32 years – I’m not even exactly sure where they are; somewhere in the linen closet I’d guess.
There must be a happy medium between these two extremes.
Now THAT’S funny!
But for me, the constant pleasure of using something that makes me smile, lessens the pain of the breaking or dirtying or losing.
This sums it up pretty well!
We bought a new upholstered chair, and it has those – I don’t even know what you call them – sleeves of fabric that match the chair and cover the arms to protect them from wear.
I was just thinking of proposing to my wife that we put the “sleeves” aside and use them after the arms become threadbare!
@johnny Dubya: I can do you one better. My mother has tea towels covering the sleeves.
So she is protecting with towels the sleeves that are protecting the arms of her chairs.
Yesterday I picked up a towel which she had in front of her chair, protecting the carpet. At 86 she is not as steady as she used to be and tripping hazards are real.
I asked her what she was saving her carpet for: her old age? Too late.
I think you have discovered a new universal truth.
When my parents passed, I inherited their china, and my grandparents china. When my wife’s mother passed we inherited her china, and we had the china set we got when we got married, so with 5 sets of fine china, we finally started to use the set we liked the least at our vacation home. But meanwhile, we still have four sets, two of which are in hutches and I have to take them out, dust, clean and return twice a year, and the other two are in a storage room downstairs, carefully packed in plastic tubs so my daughters will never lack for excessive china when we pass on! (Plastic tubs, because I have found over the last 40 years that sooner or later, water or moisture destroys cardboard boxes, even in nominally dry places.)
Of course, we also have 3 mantel clocks and a grandfather clock, only the grandfather clock is ever used, linens and towels we never use, and on and on. As on gets older moving costs more and more, and much of the cost is the collection of never used stuff!
AUDad’s family is of the mind that you cannot ever use the good stuff. Balderdash.We had already been through one set of Blue Danube dishes. I found another set right as they were being discontinued. We’ll use those until they are no more as well.
What are we saving this for? Now is the time to make memories–of real people, real occasions, real food. When AUDad askes who all this fancy stuff is for, I say, “The most important folks, us.”
On New Year’s Day, the four of us set down to a beautifully set table of china, crystal, fancy tablecloth, and matching napkins. It was delightful.
Didn’t Erma Bombeck have a routine about “use the nice soap”?
Sometimes it’s almost painful, but… we have the lovely scented soap we got for Christmas in the bathroom. We actually use the big, fluffy towels. My kids wear the adorable little outfits that my instinct screams should be kept because they’re too nice….
Sometimes we even eat the lovely treats that I buy when they’re on sale!
When my mom left Scotland for Canada with a girlfriend, they stayed with my mom’s niece who was married to a deployed Canadian sailor.
One of my favorite stories took place right after Christmas. Three adult women living alone, all broke because of the holidays. My mom and her girlfriend went for a walk through downtown Victoria to admire the Christmas decorations.
When they returned, my mom’s niece had the table set with her best linens and her best china, crystal and cutlery. Upon which she served macaroni and cheese from a box.
Regarding wines: we were saving a 1995 vintage champagne for a special occasion. It arrived last year & when we popped the cork it had turned, absolutely undrinkable swill. With that in mind when I unearthed a 2002 champagne on New Year’s Eve I immediately chilled it. Popped the cork & another undrinkable swill. I’m determined to drink within 12 months any champagne I’m given. Every day is a special occasion.
Crystal: I love how red wine looks in my fine crystal wine glasses & champagne in the flutes. I’m off to the garage, to move the bikes, to get into the cupboard, to dig out the box …
A friend from Ireland told the me the story of her grandmother’s Belleek china brought out and used for a family party–that was OLD Belleek– and a tipsy uncle who was talking, laughing and drinking tea at the same time bit a piece out of his teacup. Her gran nearly had a heart attack. My friend said reverently that if she had Belleek she would keep it in a glass front cabinet and never ever use it. It must be very delicate.
We broke out the good silver for everyday use some years ago. I recall when young visiting a home where plastic runners covered carpet in heavy traffic areas and adorned the furniture as well. I understand this was common at one time, and I suppose people stopped noticing after a while.
Maybe we should start a society? 5 sets of China! That’s a classic.
I laughed and then shook my head in dismay over this obsession we have with “saving” our stuff. My dear mother, however, showed me her respect for our hard working farmer-father by stating that our sofa was not a sacred relic, but existed so that when my dad needed a little nap after our mid-day dinner, he could just lie down there and have the nap on that sofa, in his work clothes. She drew the line at cow manure, but hay dust was easily cleaned off. She did have her “good linen” and “good dishes” but we used them for all the holidays and it made those meals extra festive.
One note about your saddles and tack: you need to use them or they will shrivel and dry out and be ruined. The oils from your hands and the horses keep the leather supple. Keep them cleaned and lubed with the appropriate products and a saddle can last for generations.
When they returned, my mom’s niece had the table set with her best linens and her best china, crystal and cutlery. Upon which she served macaroni and cheese from a box.
Here’s a variation on that theme: My friend and I have a mutual friend who served Harlan Estate ($600 per bottle) to our kids with hamburgers. My friend questioned his sanity: “How can you serve Harlan Estate to our kids?” (They were old enough to drink). “Who better?” replied the transgressor. We were aptly put in our place by his sagacity.
One note about your saddles and tack: you need to use them or they will shrivel and dry out and be ruined. The oils from your hands and the horses keep the leather supple. Keep them cleaned and lubed with the appropriate products and a saddle can last for generations.
Excellent advice!
The old Belleek was, indeed, very delicate. I sold it in Scotland back in the 1970s, when the old Belleek was still available.
I worked in that shop for 2 years selling Lladros and Belleek and Royal Daultons to rich Yanks, all stuff I couldn’t afford. When I came home I bought a few pieces, a Lladro Don Quixote was a prized possession.
An earthquake hit after we had been in our home for only 3 weeks and Don Quixote took a dive off the mantel and shattered.
We’ve had more than a few quakes since then, between that and the 4 kids and 15 nieces and nephews – well, as I like to say, everything that can break has been broken.
And I find it VERY liberating; “stuff” just ain’t worth it.
Found them! 4 wine glasses & flutes now have a home in my kitchen & will be used more frequently. Although I’m using the one with the chipped stem.
Mr. danys pleased to have daughter bring him wine in a pretty glass when he arrived home from work. He’s now grilling steak.
It’s funny but although I give the same advice to others, I do the same thing. However, I recently sold the good silver. I never used it, didn’t have a complete set and my only child, a son, wanted no part of it. So I sold it. Probably should do the same thing with the china. It comes out once a year at Christmas.
We have a similar dilemma. We’ve put the good stuff so far away in storage that it’s not worth the trouble to bring them out.
Years ago, my wife asked for, and I bought, an expensive and beautiful set of Christmas dishes. She loved them. However, we put them in the back of the storage “closet,” and now it’s more protected than Fort Knox.
Haven’t used the set in nearly fifteen years. Every year we remember the dishes, and about an hour later we make a vow that next year … for sure … we’ll dig out the darned box.
We also received a lovely set of crystal glasses for our wedding. I’m sure they’re around somewhere. I know I didn’t pawn them.
Years ago, my wife asked for, and I bought, an expensive and beautiful set of Christmas dishes. She loved them. However, we put them in the back of the storage “closet,” and now it’s more protected than Fort Knox.
Haven’t used the set in nearly fifteen years. Every year we remember the dishes, and about an hour later we make a vow that next year … for sure … we’ll dig out the darned box.
We also received a lovely set of crystal glasses for our wedding. I’m sure they’re around somewhere. I know I didn’t pawn them. ·13 minutes ago
How I knew I wasn’t alone!
I think this is how Democrats see the Constitution. Too good for every day use.
This one bugs me greatly. My wife feels compelled to cover every horizontal surface intended for seating with throw pillows that are not allowed to touch the floor. As a result, whenever our family wants to sit on the seating surfaces in the living, we have to fill up one of the chairs with the pillows, leaving us one chair short.
And, if I were to lay on the couch to watch TV using one of the pillows on the couch, my wife will rush to bring another pillow that I am allowed to use to rest my head.
We redid our bedroom last summer and had built-in bookcases with a wonderful window seat that is, unfortunately, made useless because it is, you guessed it, covered in pillows (but the window seat does serve a handy place to put the pillows from our bed that are not allowed to slept on while we use the intended bed).
I was just thinking of proposing to my wife that we put the “sleeves” aside and use them afterthe arms become threadbare!
Antimacassars.
One of my favorite words. :-)