Boilermakers

ToryWarWriter (View Comment):

Lileks only? Lets rename this the Ramble :)

Lileks and Peter. Rob will be back next week.

The latest from the Babylon Bee

Poll: Majority Of Evangelicals Would Support Satan If He Ran As Republican Candidate

November 15, 2017

U.S.—A new LifeWay Research poll confirmed Wednesday that a majority of conservative evangelicals would vote for Satan, the Prince of Darkness, should he run for public office as a Republican candidate.

The poll found that 72% of self-identified evangelicals would vote and even campaign for the prince of fallen angels should he promise to promote Republican policies while in office.

“Most of those we surveyed agreed that they would in fact vote for Satan, as long as he verbally supported pro-life and pro-Second Amendment platform positions,” the head of the research study said. “A majority of respondents ‘strongly agreed’ that it was important for a candidate to pay lip service to the hot-button issues of the religious right, while strongly disagreeing that a candidate’s personal penchant for tempting countless millions of souls into the fires of hell would affect his public policies.”

“Lucifer? Yeah, I’d vote for him, as long as he claims to be a Republican,” one member of a study focus group said. “He’s got some character flaws, sure—who doesn’t—but we’ve got to remember that ensuring we Christians get some fleeting political power is far more important than whether our chosen candidate does a little soul-devouring on the side.”

The poll also looked at related issues, such as the willingness of evangelicals to overlook or minimize major moral failings in human candidates.

“Personal indiscretions, shady business dealings, making blood sacrifices to Azathoth the Daemon Sultan in secret—Christians are now willing to forgive literally everything if it means they’ll have some kind of political clout,” the study head told reporters. “Our findings confirm that conservative Christians are actually more likely to vote for mobsters, cultists, and hellish demon kings than any other demographic.”

At publishing time, study officials had confirmed evangelicals would also be willing to support Sith lords, elder gods, and the evil Dr. Robotnik if they were to run for office as members of the GOP.

As far as I can tell, National Review did not object to the candidacy of Roy Moore during his primary with Luther Strange and Mo Brooks. I think they were happy to have him in the race at that time, because they thought it would split the "staunch conservative" vote between Moore and Brooks, which would result in a Luther Strange victory. This hardly seems like principled opposition.

If anyone has another explanation for why NR suddenly found him unacceptable after the runoff (and before the recent allegations), I'd like to hear it.

Ironically, I am traveling to West Lafayette, IN to see my girlfriend (a boilermaker and also a NDSU bison). And, thanks to Mitch Daniels tuition freeze, my Richocet membership didn’t have me eating ramen all the time.

As a recent alum of Purdue University, I am excited to help identify the accepted meaning of the “boilermaker” mascot. Simply put, a reporter covering sports for a rival school called Purdue a bunch of “...burly Boiler Makers”. Rumors also spread that Purdue recruited local boilermakers to play football. From a bout of fake news, the boilermaker name stuck (which is better than other potential names “a great big burly gang of corn-huskers," "rail-splitters," "foundry molders," and "log-haulers").

Love the ending of the podcast! Boiler Up!