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Why Love Actually is the Worst
Posting the Christmas movie memes reminded me of a “Christmas movie” I despise. Sure, there are plenty of bad Christmas movies, but many of them are just incompetently made. It’s hard to really hate Santa Claus Conquers the Martians even though it introduced the world to Pia Zadora. It’s just silly. On the other hand, Love Actually…
Here’s what I wrote about the film a few years ago when I had a blog about churches in movies (MovieChurches.com):
Movie Churches has a fundamental disagreement with this film about Christmas practices. Love Actually is an anthology of romantic tales with Yuletide themes based on the idea that Christmas is the time of year when people must tell their deepest love (or at least their current infatuation) to that special someone. A young boy must tell a classmate he likes her before she leaves for America, the Prime Minister of England must tell a young member of his staff he likes her, a man must tell the recently wed bride of his best friend he loves her…
This is all very confusing to us at Movie Churches. We thought the holiday where one honestly shared feelings of affection was Valentine’s Day, or perhaps New Year’s Eve in a pinch. Christmas is the time to HIDE how we feel. Even if we find Uncle Fred’s politics abhorrent, we gloss over it at Christmas dinner. We pretend the hideous sweater from Mom is just what we always wanted (and we even wear it, if only for the day). Someone will even say, “I just adore fruit cake!”
And this “absolute honesty at Christmas” policy seems to have its limits. Early in the film, a rather delightful scene takes place at the church when Peter (Chiwetel Ejiofor) and Juliet (Keira Knightley) get married. After the minister declares, “In the presence of God, Peter and Juliet have given their consent and made their marriage vows to each other. They have declared their marriage by the giving and receiving of rings. I, therefore, proclaim that they are husband and wife,” Mark (Andrew Lincoln, yes, Rick from The Walking Dead), the best man and Peter’s best friend, enlivens the event.
He’s arranged for a flash mob to play the Beatles’ “All You Need is Love.” There’s a choir on the balcony, with the lead singer, horns, and a string section in the congregation. Everyone, including the minister, is delighted, as are the bride and groom. No one seems happier than Mark, who arranged it all. Good for the church for allowing, perhaps encouraging, such a happening.
We learn that Juliet, Peter’s wife, assumes that Mark hates her. He’s been rather cold to her and avoided her. But since Christmas is that magical time when everyone must be honest about their romantic feelings, Mark must share his infatuation with Juliet. He does so with another dramatic show, proclaiming his love for Juliet with cue cards at her door (Prime Minister Boris Johnson mimicked this in a famous campaign ad). In order to pull off this great display of “honesty,” both Juliet and Mark must deceive the husband/best friend, Peter. (The strains of “Silent Night” accompany Peter’s friend and wife kissing.) This perhaps bodes bad things for all their relationships in the future.
The film also presents another important life event in a church, a funeral. Daniel (Liam Neeson) gives the eulogy for his late wife, Joanna. The speech is full of wit and humor as he talks about how his late beloved expected he would bring Claudia Schiffer to the funeral. He says there were also “other things [in the funeral service] she was pretty damn clear… I said over my dead body, and she said, ‘No, Daniel, over mine.’” Then, as Joanna wished, the sound system blares with the Bay City Rollers song “Bye, Bye Baby.”
As the service ends and the coffin is carried out of the church, we see a woman (whom I assume was the officiating clergy). I’m less than impressed with her — it’s rarely wise to entrust the conclusion of a funeral to the bereaved spouse. Few are able to restrain their understandable emotions. And though the Beatles might certainly provide a suitable finale to a wedding, the Bay City Rollers can’t provide a suitable conclusion to… um…anything I can think of.
I found it quite interesting that these are the only two occasions people go to churches in this film, even though the film’s climax is on Christmas Eve. For some reason, everyone goes to an elementary school’s nativity play on Christmas Eve. I’ve never been to Great Britain, but I’ve seen numerous film and stage productions of A Christmas Carol. And I haven’t seen a single one where I saw the Cratchits gather for Tiny Tim’s school play.
Love Actually’s nativity play is a little bizarre, with an octopus and a lobster gathering at the manger with shepherds and angels while “Catch a Falling Star” plays. And then the show concludes with that time-honored carol, “All I Want for Christmas is You.” What would have happened if a student told their teacher, “I can’t do the play because our family always goes to our church’s Christmas Eve service” or “We always have Christmas Eve dinner at Aunt Bertha’s” or “I’m Jewish?” —-
Those are the “religious” aspects of the film. Some of the other stories featured in this anthology: a husband cheating on his wife with his secretary, a Brit who goes to Milwaukee and has a one-night stand with a trio of beautiful young women he meets at a bar, and extras in a porn movie find love after simulating sex on the screen. The very definition of Peace on Earth is goodwill toward Man.
What makes this such an awful film is that it doesn’t realize it’s such an awful film. The movie Bad Santa features a department store Santa that swears, drinks and sleeps around. But the very title of the film acknowledges this is not a good thing.
Richard Curtis, the writer and director of Love Actually, seems to believe he made a heartwarming story about “love,” and really, isn’t that what Christmas is all about?
So, what do you think? Is this the worst Christmas movie ever? Or is there another contender?
Published in General
I’ve only seen the movie one time and it was many years ago, so my recollection isn’t strong. Is this the movie that has a visiting American president who is supposed to resemble George W. Bush, but he behaves like a horny Bill Clinton?
Yup. Billy Bob Thorton
Billy Bob Thornton played the President and I just assumed he was playing a version of Bill Clinton.
I think it was just one year ago when I watched Love Actually for the first time. I thought there were some funny scenes and I found the movie entertaining. I might watch it again someday. If you are looking for a serious movie, Love Actually isn’t it. It’s not Schindler’s List. The theme of the movie seems to be that we are all seeking either love, romance or sex and we often embarrass ourselves as we seek it.
I thought he was a Texan, that’s why I assumed he was supposed to make people think of GWB. But as I said, it’s been a long time, so maybe I misremember that part. Anyway, I recall thinking there was some sketchy morality being portrayed as if it’s all just fine.
The UK Prime Minister, who stiffed the US president on some issue or another, ended up with the woman, not the boorish US president. Maybe there was some UK nationalism woven into the screenplay.
And the PM (Hugh Grant) takes a much firmer stance against the US at the final press conference – after he sees the generically coarse Southern Pres make a play for the staff gal. Cheers from the assembled staffer Brits.
I think “Crazy, Stupid, Love” did a better job.
I looked up Love Actually on Wikipedia, where they listed the 10 different sub-plot lines running through the movie. This is one of the saddest, in my opinion.
I think this pretty much nails it. It’s not a serious movie. It has some funny moments, and several cringeworthy ones, to some of which many of us (not all of us, I understand) can relate in one way or another.
My (perhaps) favorite scene is the one in which “Tony Blair” (Hugh Grant) is, along with his driver, searching from door-to-door on Christmas Eve for his secretary, whose father (cancel him immediately!!) refers to her as “Plumpy.”
What immediately becomes clear, in the carol-singing scene, is that the driver is, unexpectedly, a Welshman (I suspect this may be a culturally determinative understanding, perhaps not one that resonates with those across the pond.)
I’m also fond of the love affair, and its resolution, between Colin Firth and “Aurelia.” And how much do I love the fact that the sleazy homewrecker of an administrative assistant is named (phonetically at least), “Meee-a.”
Like the Curate’s Egg, I find it “good in parts,” while recognizing that it other parts of it demonstrate reprehensible and loose behavior.
But I watch it anyway, not looking for moral exemplars (although Emma Thompson is one), but because it puts on display, sometimes subtly, sometimes directly, and sometimes rather crassly, much human folly, and some human touches.
PS: Mark Steyn, one of my heroes, absolutely hates it. Here’s his review: Passing Pleasures.
Just wondering, have you seen “Crazy, Stupid, Love” too? It’s not a “Christmas movie” but I thought it did better with the rest.
No. It’s quite possible you are correct (although I’m not sure of the context of “the rest” in your comment), but I am just commenting on the movie I have seen.
It would be a better movie (or at least more honest) if the title was “Lust, Actually”.
I was referring to “the rest” being the love/embarrassment/etc aspects, since it’s not “a Christmas movie.”
I have no way of knowing if it’s the worst Christmas movie or whether there are other contenders, but I enjoyed reading your description. That’s as close to seeing the movie (or any of the contenders) as I’m likely to get.
Steyn is correct here, of course, and he rightly praises one of the best of dark Christmas films, The Apartment from Billy Wilder.
The best dark Christmas film is 1955’s We’re No Angels, starring Humphrey Bogart, Aldo Rey, and Peter Ustinov as three prisoners attempting to escape from Devil’s Island and Basil Rathbone as a penny-pinching relative of their hosts who is spoiling Christmas with an audit of the hosts’ business.
Contrary to what Eric Segal claimed love means saying you’re sorry every five minutes.
Hollywood is pretty low on the list of places I’d go to learn what love means. The same for the meaning of whole lot of other words.
Only for men.
If you watch the MST3K version, you’ll really enjoy this flick . . .
Excellent flick! The scene where . . . okay, I won’t spoil it . . .
Too many subplots for the audience to follow. A good movie with multiple subplots is He’s Just Not That Into You . . .
If you want Christmas and Prime Ministers then the only choice is “Party Games,” the 1984 one-hour special of Yes, Minister where Jim Hacker is elevated to Number 10. It not only contains Christmas cheer, it’s a great primer on the parliamentary system and an honest assessment of the UK’s stance in the world. Says Hacker, “As far as world politics goes, of course the Foreign Office is just an irrelevance. We have no real power, we are just a sort of American missile base.”
Love Actually makes a mistake – among many – by reminding us via the appearance of Rowan Atkinson’s gift wrapper of better Richard Curtis Christmas fare:
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094754/?ref_=ext_shr_lnk
It’s a terrible movie. The biggest among its many sins is that it strips away all semblance of a spiritual element to Christmas and instead overwhelms us with the sentimental aspects of Christmas. For a more recent British movie that does the same thing, check out That Christmas on Netflix. Or don’t. Please don’t.
That’s true of many countries, of course. It’s the main reason why they’re more interested in our elections than we are in theirs.
We watch a lot of Hallmark (or Hallmark-like) Christmas movies. We are generally just looking for simple entertainment and opportunities to make fun of the formulaic plots and the repeated tropes of cookie baking, snowball fighting and tree decorating. We are pleased when they have some actual references to Christian Christmas. It is rare, even in church choir scenes, to hear actual Christmas hymns being sung.
A recent bad movie, or at least in bad taste to our prurient morality, was a recent viewing: Merry Gentlemen. The plot had the usual stuff: a young woman living in the big city goes back to her small town for a few weeks in December and ends up saving the bar/restaurant of her mother and father. She is a professional dancer (not that kind) who enlists four very fit young men (one who is the love interest) to dance onstage in a Christmas-themed burlesque show. Lots of gyrating abs and hooting and hollering young women. In the end, the true meaning of Christmas came through. Well, not really.