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Pandemonium in the Smoke-Filled Room
DCStockPhotography / Shutterstock.com
In a smoke-filled room in the bowels of Mordor Washington D.C., a group of Democratic National Committee Party Hacks (DNCPHs) are meeting to discuss their strategy for the upcoming Presidential election:
DNCPH #1: “Presuming he doesn’t wander off before November, it looks like our nominee is likely to be Joe Biden. After all, no incumbent President has lost renomination since 1884, and President Biden did win over 87% of the vote in our primaries just a few months ago. We all know that his intellect has gone from, um, less than ideal to, um, much less than ideal. Which is fine. We can run things for him, of course. But now it seems that even our friends in the media can no longer hide his dementia from our subjects. Er, from the American voters. So we may want to consider other options. Chamiqua, you met with President Biden the other day to ask if he might consider stepping down. Could you summarize his response for us?”
Chamiqua: “Um, no, I’m afraid not.”
DNCPH #1: “Why not?”
Chamiqua: “Because,” he said, (pause – consults notes) “um, here we go – he said, ‘Americans will stand up for, um, Americans will not stand for, I’m not kidding here, you know, the thing, because MAGA Republicans are second fiddle back scratchers who, you know, want FDR to put y’all back in chains with the American clean black dream MAGA crash…’”
DNCPH #1: “Ok, ok. Thank you. That’s quite enough…”
Chamiqua: (Looking peeved) “Would YOU like to summarize that, sir?”
DNCPH #1: “Never mind. Look, I know that some Trump supporters keep bringing up the 25th Amendment. This is when we should be thankful that Trump is not President, and we have actual adults running things. The Vice President is in somewhat of an awkward position here, as she’ll need to delicately balance her self-interest of wanting to be President versus the interests of her political party.”
DNCPH #2: “…and the good of the country…”
It was dead silent in the room for 10 seconds, with everyone looking at each other awkwardly, before everyone broke out laughing hysterically like that scene from Goodfellas. They laughed and laughed, until they couldn’t breathe.
DNCPH #1: (Wiping tears of laughter from his eyes) “Whew! You really had me going there, for a minute!”
DNCPH #2: “We’re all stressed out here – it’s good to lighten things up a bit, from time to time.”
DNCPH #1: “Anyway, my point was that we’re fortunate that Trump isn’t President, because he’d have some airheaded inexperienced sycophant as a Vice President. Anyway, has anyone approached Vice President Harris about how best to handle this dilemma?”
DNCPH #3: “Yes, I saw her yesterday, and asked if she saw any graceful and dignified way to avoid a Trump landslide in November.”
DNCPH #1: “Could you summarize her comments for us?”
DNCPH #3: “Um, well, no. Probably not.”
DNCPH #1: “Let me guess…”
DNCPH #3: “Right. She said, um, (consulting notes) here it is – she said, ‘It’s past time for us to do what we’ve been doing, and that time is…”
DNCPH #1: “OK. PLEASE! You don’t have to, um, ok look. (closes his eyes for a second to collect his thoughts) Look. We’ve got to remember a couple of things here. First, it doesn’t matter who wins this election, as long as they’re a Democrat. Policies and so on will be the same whoever it is. Second, as long as we have mail-in ballots and computer counting systems, a Democrat WILL win the election. So what we’re really talking about here is trying to keep this at least somewhat plausible, to avoid questions and conflict after the election. And if Trump keeps attracting tens of thousands of enthusiastic supporters to his rallies, and leading in all the polls, it will look bad if he loses to someone whose record is horrifying, is an international laughing stock, and looks to be near death. If this election looks too weird, then those crazy conspiracy-minded Republicans might begin to suspect that perhaps the election was fixed. Even though we’re just trying to represent the will of the people here, obviously. Well, what the will of the people ought to be.”
DNCPH #4: “The past four years have been a disaster for the American people. Everyone is much worse off. We’ve got increasing violence domestically and internationally. We went from surpluses to shortages in nearly everything. And Democrats don’t have anybody in our top 10 possible candidates who isn’t openly mocked or loathed by the American people. So how do we make this upcoming electoral win look sort of plausible?”
DNCPH #1: “We need to work on our messaging. Look – we need to find a way to connect with Blacks, union members, and lower-class whites.”
DNCPH #3: “That shouldn’t be too hard for us. We’re Democrats. Those are our people.”
DNCPH #1: “No, they’re not. All of those groups value family and traditional gender roles. They work manual labor jobs and barbeque on the weekends. Heck, a lot of them even drive pickup trucks.”
DNCPH #3: “So?”
DNCPH #1: “Well, no offense intended to any of my colleagues here, but we’re a bunch of gluten-intolerant vegans who drive Priuses to yoga class. Heck, this isn’t even a real smoke-filled room. We’re all vaping fresh mint essential oil THC. Not that there’s anything wrong with that – who wants to be a knuckle-dragging deplorable, right? But still. I mean, c’mon – this may be a tough sell, right?”
DNCPH #5: “We could push policies that the American people in the heartland really want, like trans-sexual rights, abortion on demand, open borders, shutting down the energy industry, men in women’s sports, publicly acknowledging that America was never good and should be knocked down a couple pegs, requiring everyone including children to get their 14th COVID booster, teaching Critical Race Theory in public schools, mandating…”
DNCPH #1: “Um, excuse me – ah, I appreciate your enthusiasm for ethical policies, but I don’t think that any of those things will connect with Americans. At least, not with any Americans who live more than 5 miles from a major city center. And probably not even them. Perhaps we might want to just think about pretending to consider centrism, sort of like Bill Clinton did. Of course, just like President Clinton, we could drop it as soon as…”
The meeting descended into absolute pandemonium after that. Screaming, yelling, crying, slapping at one another and missing. The delegates would have lit the furnishings on fire to enhance the riot, but none of them had a lighter. Eventually, they all wandered down to Starbucks for $8 lattes. Charged on their government AmEx cards, of course.
Perhaps their next meeting will be more fruitful. Perhaps this is all a simple misunderstanding.
Perhaps a popular statesman with a simple philosophy of unity and powerful leadership skills could emerge. Someone like Pete Buttigieg or AOC. Perhaps someone like that will lead Democrats to stability and national respect.
Perhaps.
NOTE: This may come as a surprise to some of you, but I just made all that up. I really don’t know what’s being said in Democratic leadership meetings.
But oh my goodness – I’d love to be a fly on the wall in THOSE meetings. Wow. Talk about pandemonium. I suspect it’s worse than what I portrayed. After all, Democrats are becoming impossible to satire. Despite my best efforts.
Just imagine…
Published in General
The Joy Reid contingent on one side and the James Carville contingent on the other. I can’t guess who would be in between them.
Confusion to our enemies!
There are reports out there now that Demo-rats are starting to worry about down-ballot races, and want Slow Joe gone by the end of the week.
Kamala Harris as VP was GENIUS!!!! If it weren’t for her the 25th Amendment would have been invoked years ago.
I hear a common theme of vast discontent among Democrats if Kamala is pushed aside, but I’m not hearing any actual defense of nor enthusiasm for her.
Will the dems drop her without a ripple when the time comes?
Not a chance in he((
Here are some more party hacks – Joe’s tweet writers. Probably a lot more like that throughout the White House and POTUS and VP staffs.
Talk about bloated government, does it really require that many noggins (and paychecks) to post some witty repartee to a bunch of mostly disinterested voters?
There’s that, but on Thursdays they brown bag to formulate foreign and military policy. They’re sort of the new McNamara.
If you look closely at that pic, you can see two white males in the back, right hand of the pic, pecking at their computers, while the rest of the DEI staff yuck it up.
1. If Joe/Jill/Hunter refuse to bow out, the coup will likely fail because it would take a united front to oust him. Teachers and other government employees, rich greenies, Soros, sexual deviants, Zuckerberg, the Stalinists and rank and file elected career Democrats will not rubber stamp a replacement without promises. A weakened Joe could probably still fend off multiple challengers if the money has not united around a single choice.
2. Ousting Kamala is also hard. She is clearly feeling entitled. Dumping a woman of color without blowback would require some serious Jedi-level political skills.
3. Joe could join with Kamala and say that he needs only one more year to enact his agenda and keep Trump out and that if the party elders tell him in late 2025 or 2026 that he should step down, he will voluntarily do so. They could tell Democrats, yes he’s impaired but they must rally to defeat the Orange Man first and he will then go out gracefully.
That would defuse the ouster attempt, the media line would be the sheer heroism of soldiering on despite how hard it is for him in his dotage and jokes about his mental state would be deemed cruel and out of line.
Sure, we now admit he’s lost a step but the other guy is Hitler. I think this strategy will be the outcome of the smoke filled room meetings.
Dang! I’m fresh out of popcorn.
Looks like Twitter before Elon.
(Someone who uses Twitter should reply that)
I said something similar about Obama choosing Biden, that it was assassination insurance. Then Biden chose Harris. How long can the Democrats go choosing a dumber running mate, if the dumber of the two then ends up president with a yet-dumber running mate? The Dumb and Dumber movie had two sequels.
Who could Harris choose that’s dumber than her? AOC? Maxine Waters? <shudder>
Just to prove she is neither sexist nor racist she could choose a white guy, either Mayor Pete or Adam Schiff.
I do not normally feel suicidal, but …
Cori Bush?
She’s too busy healing people by the laying on of her hands.
Ewww.
“Principled conservative” Bill Kristol
If Biden can somehow articulate the idea or theme “Let’s finish what we started”, making it much more of a “we” than an “I”, then maybe rally around that and stay in the race, with everyone knowing he’s basically done, it’s just a question of when.
That might get them through 2024, and Biden dodges the 25th amendment or a resignation, and the “who takes his place” fight, until after the election.
What’s staring them in the face is that they have 3 months to convince those are that going to vote Democrat that he’s competent enough to keep going, despite all the evidence to the contrary. Another debate and he’ll be toast. As others have stated, why would the Biden campaign agree to an early debate? It benefits them greatly to have a) fewer, and b) delay them until it doesn’t matter, because the voters will vote for him if it’s October 1st and there’s no time to switch him out for someone else ahead of the vote.
That is the key to this entire debacle. I think the decision was made to sink this guy by allowing him to debate. That decision was probably made at the G7 summit when Biden wandered off. It could have been one of the other major gaffs, who knows?
The point is he has been like this for many years and everyone knew it. He won the presidency by hiding in the basement. If he was the least bit charismatic, or coherent for that matter, he would have been making Youtube speeches from that basement at the very least.
Whether he wins re-election, Commie La Harris, or Trump wins, we will be lucky to make it through this cycle without another major disaster. He needs to be removed from office. We have no visible leader.
The party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command. – George Orwell, 1984
It used to be Tobacco smoke.
She has always been a very disagreeable person, but I didn’t know she was crazy until I heard her claiming in an interview that she was able to make peoples’ tumors disappear by touching them.
Brilliant satire, Dr. B. Just brilliant. Bravo!!
And this from Newsome is consistent with that model:
(1) They thought that Trump would balk at the one-sided rules (only lefty moderators, no audience, no stepping on the other guy’s comments, etc) and they could then duck any further debates while calling Trump chicken for refusing this one.
(2) When Trump surprised them by agreeing to this debate, they assumed that as with the SOTU address, they could drug him up enough to muddle through for one hour under these favorable conditions.
(3) And if Biden did muddle his way through, they expected the MSM to declare a great Biden victory and then they would try to coast for the remaining months.
(4) Even if he shat the bed in the debate, they never expected the MSM to turn on him. They have lied loyally for the last four years, why stop now?
The cost associated with staying in the tank became too great. You can only gaslight for so long before people start laughing at you.
But that’s not new either, people have been laughing at them for a long time.
I think they didn’t try to Drug up Biden, to expose him and get rid of him.