Law & Order: ICC

ACT I: The office of NYPD Captain OLIVIA BENSON. Sergeant FIN TUTUOLA enters.

TUTUOLA: You wanted to see me, Cap?

BENSON: I just got the arrest warrants from the International Criminal Court. Straight from Prosecutor Khan himself.

TUTUOLA: I already heard. The word’s all over the street.

BENSON: Then you probably already know the charges.

TUTUOLA (bitterly, with narrowed eyes): War crimes. So where do we start?

BENSON: Second Avenue. The Israeli consulate.

ACT II: Office of the ISRAELI CONSUL in NYC. BENSON and TUTUOLA are standing before the CONSUL’S desk.

BENSON (showing a photograph to CONSUL): Sir, do you recognize this man?

CONSUL: Of course, Captain. It is our Prime Minister Netanyahu. As you can see, I have that very same picture on the wall behind my desk.

TUTUOLA (sardonically): Well, that’s some coincidence now, ain’t it?

CONSUL (befuddled): Sergeant?

BENSON: Do you have any information on Netanyahu’s whereabouts?

CONSUL: I think that the Prime Minister is in Jerusalem today. (Reaches for the phone.) I will be happy to verify …

TUTUOLA: Freeze! Hands on the desk, [REDACTED]!

BENSON: Calm down, Sergeant. (To CONSUL): We have a warrant for Netanyahu’s arrest from the International Criminal Court. Or don’t you keep up with the news?

CONSUL: I am aware of the warrant. But as you know, the ICC has no actual legal authority.

TUTUOLA (taking handcuffs out of his back pocket): That’s it, perp! You have the right to remain silent …

CONSUL (interrupting): Sergeant, I must respectfully remind you that I enjoy diplomatic immunity.

TUTUOLA (sarcastically): And I bet you really do ENJOY it too!

BENSON (to TUTUOLA): Back off, Sergeant. You don’t want to go another round with Internal Affairs. Besides, that’s probably what his mouthpiece told him to say.

CONSUL: If you will excuse me now, I have a rather busy day.

ACT III: Offices of the ICC Chief Prosecutor. A LAWYER on the Prosecutor’s staff enters an office where BENSON and TUTUOLA are waiting for news of the trial.

LAWYER: Well, we got a conviction in absentia. I’m sorry that you weren’t able to make a collar.

BENSON: That’s how it goes sometimes. What kind of sentence did Netanyahu get?

LAWYER (smiling resignedly): No jail time or fines, of course. But let’s just say the Israeli government is going to get a very terse letter that it won’t forget for a long, long time.