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Weekend Contest: Two-Cow Economics
Professional economists get tired of explaining complicated concepts to those of us who can’t count to 20 without taking off our shoes. One popular simplification is to compare competing economic systems using the example of a farmer who owns two cows. A Kiwi talk-show host named Mike Hosking put a few of the examples in graphic form:
After going through the main economic systems, he compared various countries’ approach to globalism:
Most of the entries were pretty good, others were weak, but I know that the readers of Ricochet can come up with better descriptions. Write your ideas below in text (one idea per comment) and “like” all your favorites. Whichever comment has the most likes by 6 p.m., I’ll drop it into the the graphic format above and add it to this post.
Ready. Set. MOO!
UPDATE: And, with 33 “likes,” the winner of the contest is Arizona Patriot with a redefinition of Communism:
The one for Communism is wrong. It should be:
Your neighbor has 2 cows.
You have none.
The State kills your neighbor’s cows.
Then the State kills your neighbor.
#BlackLivesMatter Movement
You have two cows at a protest.
“A small group of troublemakers” start a riot and steal the cows in the confusion.
You blame the systemic racism of the evil white police patriarchy, and demand new federally funded cows.
Social Justice Warrior
There are no cows. Only cattle.
I’m not an expert on any of the others but I can confirm that the Italian one is spot on.
Edit: The Italian one is missing, my bad!
So a democrat farmer hates his neighbors because the neighbor has two cows and he only has one. He finds a bottle in the pasture and opens it and out pops a Genie. The Genie offers the farmer any wish. The farmer thinks for a while and then tells the Genie to kill both of his neighbors’s cows
I had a cow once . It was outstanding in its field, but that is an udder story.
Mainstream Capitalism
You have two steer that demand You make Them a cake.
You refuse on account You prefer not to feed Yer steer cake.
Word spreads through social media and all the farm animals kill You and take over the farm.
The pigs are pleased.
With this president, the liberal political class and the media the first and most important question is ‘what color are the cows?’
Clintonism
You have two cows. One is from the government, and you keep it out in the field. The other you buy for your personal use, and you keep it in your home.
You give the cow in your home all the feed you are supposed to be giving to the cow in the field. After 7 years, the government figures this out. They come and remove the cow from your home.
You are left looking at the piles of stuff the cow left in your home, called a “campaign.”
Inequality Activists:
You have 2 cows. Your neighbour has none.
The government takes your cows and gives you and your neighbour each 0.5 cows, after deducting an administrative fee.
Theocracy:
You have 2 cows but pray for more. It works and one cow has a calf without the services of a bull. The calf blows itself up, killing one of the cows, but the other is a sacred cow and survives. You meditate on that for a while.
-E
Obamanomics-
You have two cows.
Both of them are white with black spots.
Check your privilege.
Obamanomics revisited:
You have two cows. You want to sell milk to buy bull.
Less fortunate have no cows.
Government takes one of your cows, gives to less fortunate.
Less fortunate know nothing about cows, can’t afford hay. Cow dies.
Government takes two thirds of your cow’s milk to feed less fortunate who still have no cow.
#14 works better for Venezuela or Zimbabwe.
Post-modernism
You have a bull and a white sheep. The bull believes it is a cow, so it is. Everyone thinks the “cow” is so brave for adopting the identity it feels comfortable with. People who call the bull a bull, or use the pronoun “he” when referring to it are considered sexist pigs.
The white sheep believes it is a black sheep. It tries to have its wool died black but it turns out to be a sort of tan color. When confronted with evidence that it really is a white sheep, and not a black sheep, it stares blankly, claims it doesn’t understand the question, and then runs away.
Actually, that would make the bull the black sheep.
Regulated Capitalism
You have two cows. You convince your state legislature to pass a Bovine Licensure Act for all cows involved in commercial activity born after enactment. The license exam requires the cow to demonstrate a mastery of cow behavior (eating, reproduction, lactation, mooing) and a basic understanding of quantum mechanics. You proceed as for traditional capitalism expecting to retire early but quickly discover that one of the people you screwed over is unfortunately yourself.
Hillary Clinton Utopianism:
You are not satisfied owning just two cows. You have much bigger plans. You say instead you want to be the champion of all the cows, but you are full of Bull.
Then out of nowhere your chickens come home to roost. The cows turn on you. You are placed in a small holding pen made for old goats, and later put out to pasture never to be herd from again.
Udder Utopia!
Communism:
You have two cows.
The State arrives, takes the cows and makes a speech promising to return them to the people.
The State conducts a show trial. You are found guilty of owning counter revolutionary cows and shot.
New Jersey Capitalism:
Don’t ask me about my cows!
Crony Capitalism.
You have two cows.
Your neighbor discovers a way to produce multiple cows.
You lobby the government to outlaw the production of additional cows in order to “protect jobs.”
The majority of Americans in both political parties commend you.
Ron Paulonomics:
You have two cows.
They are backed by gold.
You are much better off than your neighbor with his fiat cows.
Fed Economics
Your 2 cows give plenty of milk.
EPA shows up and fines you for bovine flatulent excess.
Next day, BLM fines you for having over 1.35 cows per acre.
Next day, IRS audits your books after you donated to Conservative group and fines you.
Next day, EPA shows up again and takes over small pond on property.
Next day, FDA fines you because milk has fat in it.
Next day, OSHA fines you for not enough port-o-potties on farm.
Next day, ATF raids your house because you bought fertilizer at feed store.
Next day, you donate $50,000 to the DNC and all fines and charges are dropped.
Contemporary Art Scene:
You have a cow; so does the contemporary artist. He paints his lavender with diagonal black stripes, then cuts off one of its legs and puts it in a bucket of beer. He calls this scene “MZZX149SynchronyPluto.” Then he looks at your cow and sneers at your insufferable reality-based art.
A Chinese Corporation:
You have two cows.
The government devalues the currency to make the cows more desirable in the international market.
Unless they’re Falun Gong cows in which case their organs will be harvested.
Protectionism:
You don’t care how many cows you have as long as they’re bred in America.
Gender Economics
Your two cows love each other.
Demand that one have sex changed.
New ‘bull’ can’t produce off spring. Has expensive hormone replacement therapy.
Cow goes dry and demands separate but equal pasture.
Sell everything and move to urban Detroit.
The Far Side:
You have cows.
A lot of cows.
(Some even have tools.)
A Small Business in 1930’s Chicago:
Nice cows you have here. Would be a shame if something were to happen to ’em.