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Giving Up the Dream
I finally made the tough decision. I had a dream, and now I’ve let it go. The act leaves me feeling slightly sad and also free. After more than 10 years, I’ve disbanded my meditation group.
This journey was an extension of my dream to be a Zen Buddhist sensei, a seed that began 10 years into my 20-year practice. When it became clear that my Zen teacher thought it was essential to cripple my ego, it was time to leave. But in the meantime, she had encouraged me to start a meditation group when I came to Florida 10 years ago.
In spite of my teacher’s harshness, I still loved Buddhism.
Sydney Musai Walter Roshi, in Tricycle magazine, quoted Taizan Maezumi Roshi as saying, “ … in the Abhidharma it says we die and are reborn 6,400,099,980 times in 24 hours.” Musai Roshi went on to say, “This puts rebirth not in some future where we will pay for our sins or reap the benefits of our good behavior, but in this present moment, which is where we both experience and influence our karma.” In one sense, we are re-created or reborn in each moment.