Marco Rubio once bought a fishing boat and the New York Times is on the case. Fresh from their scoop that the Florida senator had four (FOUR!) speeding tickets in the past two decades, the Gray Lady has revealed his shocking financial record.

“For years, Senator Marco Rubio struggled under the weight of student debt, mortgages and an extra loan against the value of his home totaling hundreds of thousands of dollars.” (Boo, poor people! — ed.) “But in 2012, financial salvation seemed to have arrived: A publisher paid him $800,000 to write a book about growing up as the son of Cuban immigrants.” (Boo, rich people! — ed.)