Fox View, IL – A direct-democracy petition to rename the local Dairy Queen caused a fistfight at a local town planning meeting. In Fox View, a freshly-gentrified boho exurb along I-55’s tech corridor, a coalition of intersectional feminists and vegans recently banded together to petition for a name-change to the local Dairy Queen into something more gender-neutral, like “Milky Majesty” or “Dairy Despot.”

“’Queen’ is too gendered, and perpetuates the kyriarchy,” Lori Kribbutz, an intersectionality expert explained. “It perpetuates the idea that women, even very powerful women, such as queens, are merely cutesified objects to be rendered bland and palatable for mass consumption.” Minky Etherson, president of the local chapter of VAMP (Vegans Against Milk Production) added, “It’s also unfair to insinuate that women are the power behind the exploitation of dairy animals, when we all know men historically have been behind dairy-animal exploitation.”