Tag: satire – did I mention this was satire?

Grumpy Cat: The Sad Tale of Catnip Abuse

 

Tardar Sauce, known more popularly by her stage name of “Grumpy Cat,” has died all too soon at the age of 7.  The official cause of death has been ruled by her coroner veterinarian as a “urinary tract infection.”  According to the report:

“Besides being our baby and a cherished member of the family, Grumpy Cat has helped millions of people smile all around the world – even when times were tough,” Grumpy Cat’s owners wrote. “Her spirit will continue to live on through her fans everywhere.”

But, sadly, there’s always a darker side of a sudden rise to fame and fortune.  Grumpy, it seems, was also a ‘nip-nose.

The Next Straw: Wiping Out Environmental Dangers

 

Environmental terrorist

Seattle – Fresh off their victory over plastic straws, the Seattle City Council is now looking to wipe away another environmental hazard: Single-use bath tissue, or as it is known colloquially, toilet paper. Each year Americans go through billions of rolls of toilet paper and little to none of that ever gets recycled. Some climate-deniers even resort to two-ply bath tissue just to show us how little they care for our planet. By banning toilet paper the City Council expects to save thousands of greenhouse gas eating trees. The ban is expected to be a boom to the environment with very little downside for consumers.

An Open Letter from Ex Tex-Mex, Vigilant Consumer

 

Dear Belluminati,

You might be masquerading as a hilariously gimmicky marketing campaign for cheap fake Mexican food, but I’m onto you. Taco Bell might like us to believe that the Belluminati are the world’s least secret “secret society”, one that anyone with a buck and a hankering for el-cheapo meato frito can join. But I know what you’re really about. You’re the same old Illuminati, mocking us by “hiding in plain sight”!!!