Tag: sarcasm

A New Vehicle Option for DC Car Owners

Doug Watt
Doug Watt
1610
 

As former President Obama said you didn’t earn that money to buy that car. The Washington DC city council has decided that reducing crime should begin with legalizing carjacking.

It takes a child to raze a village, or a Progressive city government. If you like your car you will be able to keep your car. Forget about the installation of a superb stereo system I would suggest a flame thrower.

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Why Does The Left Love FTX?

Doug Watt
Doug Watt
1813
 

Why does the Left love FTX, and common criminals as well? Is it because they disdain those who work with their hands, with the exception of doctors who perform abortions.

They laud actors who play gangsters. Is that because gangsters earn money the old-fashioned way. They steal it. Is that why Soros prosecutors are so popular with Democrats.

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Break Out the Champagne: Republicans Take the House

Doug Watt
Doug Watt
2719
 

The 218-majority mark has been reached in the House. The first order of business should be ending the kangaroo-court January 6 committee. Adam Schiff needs a rest. Eric Swalwell will have more time to prowl Chinese Karaoke bars searching for a new Fang Fang.

Liz Cheney should start packing now. Wyoming winters are cold she’ll need a coat. Nancy Pelosi will have to start flying commercial again. No more C-130s loaded with Botox following her private military ride.

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Some Random Musings on Election Fraud

Doug Watt
Doug Watt
1310
 

After leaving Mass last Sunday at Our Lady of Perpetual Aggrievement, while waiting to see if any good Catholic would let me out of the parking lot, I started thinking about the upcoming election.

Election fraud, election deniers, and voter suppression all came to mind. I thought about checking the Guinness Book of World Records for how many Chicago Civil War vets were still voting, and which one of them had never missed an election leading up to November 8, 2022.

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Member Post

Doug Watt
Doug Watt
89336
 

Worried about gas prices and food prices? Well don’t worry, the FDA has given its approval for the sale of Roadkill Helper. Roadkill, It’s What’s For Dinner. Recipes for Slab of Lab, Armadillo with Armagnac Sauce, Possum with pasta, are among hundreds of recipes that will be offered free of charge through FDA/hungry.gov. Preview Open
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Member Post

Doug Watt
Doug Watt
29
 

Joe Biden is not someone you would want to mess with, unless you don’t mind finding a dead dog on your front porch. He’s quite the storyteller. Some of them might actually be true. I’m waiting for the story from the Godfather of Tall Tales to tell us that he placed not just one severed […]
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Putin’s Bittersweet Moment In Beijing

Doug Watt
Doug Watt
128
 

Vladimir Putin was invited to the opening ceremony for the Winter Olympics by President Xi Jinping. Russia is not competing as a nation this year due to a state-sanctioned doping scandal. They are competing as the ROC (Russian Olympic Committee). No Russian flags for any Russian medalists.

As the parade of nations entered the stadium with their flags, I was reminded of the unwrapping of Christmas gifts scene in the iconic movie, A Christmas Story. Ralphie’s little brother Randy exclaimed, “That’s mine, that’s mine” as he examined each package under the tree.

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San Francisco City Council Wants a Name Change

Doug Watt
Doug Watt
2715
 

See the source image In an announcement today, the San Francisco City Council is asking the San Francisco Giants to rename their ballpark. Klepto Park is the proposed name change to honor the hardworking shoplifters in San Francisco.

Walgreen Park was suggested, but Walgreens’ future in San Francisco seems to be disappearing, as stores are closing due to theft losses. Safeway Park was in the running, but Safeway has cut back on its hours due to theft in San Francisco. This drew some criticism from council members. Council critics felt that limiting the hours for shoplifters that like to sleep late placed them at a looting disadvantage.

The city council also requested that after each stolen base, a special fireworks display be provided by the Giants, and the most prolific shoplifter in the city receive a lifetime pass to all Giants games.

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Member Post

Doug Watt
Doug Watt
37
 

White House operator: How may I direct your call? You wish to speak to the President. Your name please. Thank you Mr. Cornpop. I’m sorry he’s not available right now, may I take a message? So you would like the address of the high school gym where President Biden was going to meet President Trump, […]
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DC Confidential

Doug Watt
Doug Watt
610
 

News that you can use.

President Maduro of Venezuela called to congratulate President Biden on his efforts to Caracasize the United States. White House staff said it was cordial call, and President Biden politely declined the invitation to visit Caracas. Rumor has it that President Biden said; Why go to Caracas when I can visit Chicago, Portland, Seattle, and Baltimore. He told Maduro he’s misplaced his passport, but as soon as he finds it he plans to visit the southern border of the United States.

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Let’s Quit Fooling Around with the Minimum Wage

Doug Watt
Doug Watt
1314
 

I propose that Amazon, Google, Walmart, Home Depot, Apple, Nike and any other large national corporation must pay their employees $300-an-hour, to include their janitorial staff. This would include the hot dog vendor at Dallas Mavericks games. Mark Cuban can afford it.

This would allow mom and pop businesses that will have to pay a government-mandated wage of $15-an-hour a chance to compete against the big guys. After all, that $200 hammer at Home Depot will not look as attractive as a $15 hammer at Pop’s Hardware store.

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Underprepared for the Capitol Riots, Overprepared for the Inauguration

Doug Watt
Doug Watt
812
 

In earlier posts, I put forth my take on the lack of a plan for the January 6th riot that took place in the Capitol building in Washington DC. I’ve been following the news on what happened, I’ll call it the under-reaction on January 6th. Now there seems to be an overreaction for the inauguration of Joe Biden.

The FBI has now been walking-back the story of capture and assassination teams breaching the Capitol. The Norfolk FBI office states that they issued warnings, yet the DC office has been silent on whether they were aware of warnings and warned the Capitol police of those warnings. The agent in charge in Norfolk may be on his way to Billings, Montana in the very near future if Democrats in Congress have their way. One must not disturb the narrative.

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Happy Thanksgiving

Doug Watt
Doug Watt
1611
 

When our daughter graduated from the police academy we found a doormat like the one in the photo. She still has it even though she has moved on from police work.

This Thanksgiving the petty tyrants; from mayors to governors, are telling you not to celebrate the holiday with relatives and friends. Some are threatening to use police officers and deputies to issue fines and/or arrests too, including jail time if they find more than four to six people in a home.

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Member Post

Doug Watt
Doug Watt
67
 

Planned Parenthood employee expresses outrage over President Trump removing his mask upon his return to the White House. She called it an outrage and a display of contempt for those that died due to Covid-19. She cited his lack of empathy for the deaths of thousands of Americans whose lives were destroyed by a virus. […]
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If I Were King of the Internet, I Would Mandate the Percontation Point⸮

Arahant
Arahant
3316
 

Satire. Irony. Sarcasm. The written word seldom conveys these things well enough to tell them from someone’s making a serious statement or proposal. (This has even been codified and is now known as Poe’s Law.) Distinguishing serious from ironic is a very old problem, and one that was solved in about 1580. It was in that decade that Henry Denham, an English printer, came up with a solution. His idea was to have a new mark of punctuation that would distinguish when someone was not serious. That mark was the percontation point, and it looked like this: ⸮.

Thus, were I the King of the Internet, you would be mandated to use the percontation point⸮ It would probably be the only punctuation available to such publications as The Onion or The Babylon Bee. And maybe some mistakes would no longer be made:

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Of Apples and Trees

Vince Guerra
Vince Guerra
912
 

My dad recently sent me an heirloom: A handwritten note from one of my elementary school teachers, written in the early ’80s. The content of her note can be summarized in the phrase “We need to talk.” My dad also included his handwritten notes from the phone conversation.

Here are the highlights, in case they’re hard to read:

  • Gives dumb answers to get a laugh
  • Not embarrassed by his [inappropriate] actions
  • Sloppy attitude
  • Mondays are the worst
  • Goofing off
  • Hiding under the table [to impress] a girl
  • Going to the office
  • Pushed a kid into the mud

And so on…

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Member Post

Susan Quinn
Susan Quinn
64
 

As the Three Queens of the Orient have been speaking out against the status quo, they are making themselves known. You know them: Ilhan Omar from Somalia, Rashida Talib whose family came from Palestine, and Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez. Oh, you say AOC isn’t an Orient Queen. Well, let’s not quibble; I’m sure her friends would be […]
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Member Post

sawatdeeka
sawatdeeka
109
 

You become an adult and you think you know it all, but then are startled to find out that what you always believed is wrong. Some new ideas that took me by surprise in the new millennium:  1. Communism wasn’t really that bad. Conservatives were reactionary in the sixties, seventies, and eighties and started wars […]
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