I was in the hospital this past week recovering from surgery to convert my large intestine into a semi-colon. My personal phrenologist, Hans “Bumpy” O’Cranium, who has staff privileges, looked in on me to examine new knots I acquired last week when I appeared on THE VIEW disguised as James “Serpent Head” Carville and asked Joy Behar Aspirin who weighed the most, Whoopi or Rosie.

As Bumpy probed and palpated my skull, I saw a taped interview with Chuck “Corn Rows” Schumer on the wall-mounted television. Corn Rows declared, with a straight face, that “Make America Sick Again” should be the slogan for the Obamacare repeal and replace bill.