Tag: Relationships

Contributor Post Created with Sketch. Recommended by Ricochet Members Created with Sketch. What’s Truly Important

 

I’m a bit depressed this morning. Normally I make an effort not to let the ugliness and destructiveness of the news get me down. But the world weighs heavily on my shoulders today: feckless actions by Macron, the usual contradictions by Trump, efforts to pass anti-Semitic/anti-Israel bills in Congress (which I will write about later). I can’t find the space to let in the joy and knowledge of blessings. And then I remember that in one hour, I will do something good.

On Monday mornings I visit with my friend, Earl. He is 88 years old. I’ve written about him before—his concerns about racism (he’s black and liberal), Donald Trump, the state of the world.

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Contributor Post Created with Sketch. Mr. Tinder, or, How I Learned to Start Worrying and Hate the App

 

Last week, the most popular man on Tinder was all over the news for finally finding love. Stefan Pierre-Tomlin was named “Mr. Tinder” back in 2017, after accumulating 14,600 right-swipes in a mere two years, an all-time record according to the app. An untold number of likes later, Pierre-Tomlin says he’s found the love of his life, but, in one large, delicious dollop of irony, not on the app that earned him his moniker. Pierre-Tomlin met his girlfriend in person, through a friend—or as tabloid headlines are declaring “the old-fashioned way,” which is a fairly damning critique of modern society if non-digital meetings are indeed now considered passé.

Pierre-Tomlin’s story alone is, of course, purely anecdotal evidence, but when viewed with available statistics on apps and modern dating culture, it paints a rather nasty picture. Out of all his matches, for example, Pierre-Tomlin only found two women with whom he had relationships. Which shouldn’t really be surprising: according to one survey, only 44 percent of women and 38.4 percent of men on dating apps are looking for a serious relationship.

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Promoted from the Ricochet Member Feed by Editors Created with Sketch. Sex, Trump, and Videotape

 

Welcome to the Harvard Lunch Club Political Podcast for the ides of November, the 15th this is (do you believe it?!?) episode number 2-0-0 of the podcast with your bicentennial hosts radio guy Todd Feinburg and AI guy Mike Stopa. We call it Sex, Trump, and Videotape. In this edition of the show we get to the important issue of the age of Trump, namely, is it okay for an ordinary liberal person to (a) sleep with, (b) date, or (c) marry a Trump supporter? Is there a litmus test that means that no such relationships should be permitted to happen? If so, what do you do with those people you started to get involved with in the first place?

And for our second topic (are you ready for this) we do *food*. Yes, the new style of the show (for this week anyway) is one political topic and one food topic. And as long as we are doing a food topic, we may as well hit the most important food topic, namely, what’s the best pizza in America? (Answer: Chicago pizza).

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Contributor Post Created with Sketch. Recommended by Ricochet Members Created with Sketch. The Map, the Model, and the Territory

 

The Map

Let’s start with a simple question. How long is the coastline of Lake Superior? Here, let me google that for you. “Shore length 1,729 mi (2,783 km) plus 997 mi (1,605 km) for islands”. Thanks, Wikipedia! Right away we can see a problem. Are you counting those islands or not? I’m saying count every last thing. All of it. Okay, include the islands. What other complications are we going to run into?

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Recommended by Ricochet Members Created with Sketch. I Break Shovels (or, Taking Shortcuts)

 

I’ve broken a few shovels in my day.

Have you ever dug a hole on the beach? I used to dig a lot of them — for work, not for fun. If you’ve ever wondered how professional volleyball courts pop up on a beach one day and are gone tomorrow, it has a lot to do with digging holes. Every piece of equipment has to be secured with anchors into sand. The anchors have to be deep enough to withstand the tension from support posts, and in those days it meant digging up to 30 four-foot deep holes, 16 inches in diameter.

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Since Mom went Home to be with Jesus, there have been a few well-intentioned people tell me that I need to start dating; put myself out there and find someone. Every time I field the comment, my eyes roll so far back in my head I can see the inside of my empty skull. “Not […]

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There has been a big hullabaloo about the TV ratings for Rosanne. I can’t comment on the show, because I have never seen it. Honestly, I don’t watch a lot of television. But, some of the comments I’ve seen about the program are uplifting. I gather it is about a diverse family who, even though […]

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Contributor Post Created with Sketch. Recommended by Ricochet Members Created with Sketch. Member Post

 

@katebraestrup put up a wonderfully thoughtful post and it inspired me to write about one of my favorite pet peeves (is that an oxymoron?). I have heard this statement mainly from younger, foolish women, but it makes me nuts: “Well, he’s a little [fill in the blank] or not enough [fill in the blank] but I’ll […]

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Contributor Post Created with Sketch. Recommended by Ricochet Members Created with Sketch. Why It’s Hard to Be a Conservative

 

Is it difficult to be a conservative? That’s the question I was asking myself this morning. It seemed like an odd question, like some hidden part of me invading my psyche and challenging me to look at the truth.

The question seems strange because it’s like asking myself if it’s hard to breathe, or if it’s hard to exercise regularly — uh, well, no that one really is hard. But then I realized there are, for me, responsibilities, limitations, and even difficulties with my wearing the conservative mantle. (Many of you may choose to substitute “conservative” with “Republican,” because they are similar, but in certain cases, the distinction matters.)

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Contributor Post Created with Sketch. Member Post

 

A great deal of our lives is driven by fear. In some ways, having some fear is normal: there are dangers in the world. Drunk drivers, rapists and murderers, jihadist immigrants, thieves and scammers are abundant. We read about them in our newspapers, see them on the internet, and watch them on TV. Even if […]

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Contributor Post Created with Sketch. Member Post

 

The onslaught of sexual misbehavior reports is wearing me down. It’s not that I don’t feel sympathy for the women who have experienced men’s bad behavior, or that I don’t feel bad for all the decent men who feel defensive or confused by the implication that all men are animals. But now that we’ve exacerbated […]

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Recommended by Ricochet Members Created with Sketch. “A Pearl Beyond Price” or Why I Love Gems

 

When I was a little girl, my grandpa was a fixture in my life. He lived about 15 minutes down the road, give or take, and could be with us on short notice. For that reason among others, he was there often enough. My mom’s side of the family had many gatherings bringing the children and grandchildren together. I grew up with my cousins as playmates.

Since I was at an awkward age distance to the cousins and I was less interested in rule-breaking, I often ended up seated with my grandpa listening to him talk about his most recent adventures, politics, and his varying opinions on everything (and he had an opinion on everything). I loved to hear him talk about his rock hunting. He was an amateur gemologist and had fun creating lapidary art. He made bolo ties and rings and a few different things here and there. Mostly, he enjoyed the hunt. He had a story about where he got each rock, where the gem was hidden within it, how he would cut it to get the most of the stone and the best presentation. Once he had cut and buffed each stone to a shine, he’d bring it around to show it off. Grandpa enjoyed the hunt so much that when he died, he had the only spare room in their tiny house filled with rocks; coffee canisters full of rough sapphires, opals, topaz. Some larger rocks were spread out on the table for later critical examination. We still have a number of those veined rocks in our possession and have never managed to have them cut. We keep them nearby and remember.

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Contributor Post Created with Sketch. Member Post

 

I believe you can teach an old dog new tricks, but for this old dog, it can be slow and painful. So I need some help along the way. To facilitate this process, I have begun a Jewish practice called Mussar . (Hat tip to @podkayneofisrael for telling me about it.) In his book, Alan Morinis provides […]

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Contributor Post Created with Sketch. Member Post

 

Unless you have lived in a cave for the past year, or only have friends who call themselves conservatives or Republicans, you likely have at least one relationship that has been compromised by political discussions. Within families or with friendships, I’ve heard about every kind of stress, from tension between or among people, to estrangement, […]

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Recommended by Ricochet Members Created with Sketch. Member Post

 

In honor of my stupid personal life, today’s quotes will be on the subject of love. If it weren’t for love, we’d never shave our legs or put on perfume. It would be so much easier and cheaper. I mean the fortune we’d save on Victoria’s Secret! I currently have about $2,000 in Victoria’s Secret […]

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Contributor Post Created with Sketch. Member Post

 

We’ve watched this scenario twice. You’d think we would have learned the first time around. And here we are again. And it’s just as painful, if not more so, the second time. We have dear women friends in Thailand. M. and K. have been friends for many years; we befriended M. after she led a […]

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Contributor Post Created with Sketch. Member Post

 

Further to a discussion with @6foot2inhighheels I thought the Ricochet community may have some thoughts. Said 6foot2: “The revelation that men have distinctly different motivations and impulses that are at odds with female cultural assumptions came to me late in life, and from an unexpected source; a young man who explained everything in one simple […]

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Member Post

 

We tend to view fear and anxiety as a sympathetic character trait. We can immediately see the ravages of other negative traits–anger, for instance, can result in yelling, belittling, insults, silent treatments. Anger on behalf of self roars up and takes control and everyone in the vicinity feels its harshness and shrinks back or responds with like […]

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It is inevitable that the decay of sentiment should be accompanied by a deterioration of human relationships, both those of the family and those of friendly association, because the passion for immediacy concentrates upon the presently advantageous. After all, there is nothing but sentiment to bind us to the very old or to the very […]

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Promoted from the Ricochet Member Feed by Editors Created with Sketch. Professional Society to Astronomers: Stop dating each other! It’s not worth the risk!

 

shutterstock_305017364The feminist reaction to sexual harassment has ended with this jaw-dropping statement from the American Astronomical Society’s executive officer. Effectively, he’s telling astronomers not to date each other. I’m not exaggerating much. He’s specifically and explicitly saying that the risk of sexual harassment is so great that you are not allowed to date anybody you meet at a conference, even if you scrupulously behave yourself:

Second, do not treat any AAS meeting or other event as a venue for finding a romantic partner. Yes, there are people at our events, and yes, people do make romantic connections, and yes, there may even be opportunities to make such connections at our events, but please, everyone, just shelve these inclinations for our conferences. Too much damage is being done. Just one negative interaction in the poster hall, at a session, in the bar during the meeting, or at a restaurant or offsite event may be all it takes to dissuade a bright young scientist from participating in our field. This is unacceptable, and it needs to stop.

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