Tag: obama jokes

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Stilton Jarlsberg
Stilton Jarlsberg
78
 

In the face of increased terror activity in Europe and threatened terror activity domestically, Barack Obama has cinched up his big boy pants and made his strongest rhetorical attack to date…on Republicans. “Apparently, they’re scared of widows and orphans coming into the United States of America,” the president said of concerns about terrorists hiding among […]
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Stilton Jarlsberg
Stilton Jarlsberg
56
 

Despite the carnage of the terrorist massacres in Paris, Barack Obama is continuing to treat the war on terror as a game. A game which combines “Where’s Waldo?” and Russian roulette. Specifically, the president is doubling down on his desire to bring large numbers of Syrian refugees into the United States as quickly as possible, […]
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Stilton Jarlsberg
Stilton Jarlsberg
44
 

Will the CBS Eye be closed to this obvious and vitally important question? Late on Friday the 13th, nightmarish terror struck the city of Paris – reminding us all, as if we needed reminders, that in the modern world no place is safe from the insanity of Islamic radicalism. Ironies abound; earlier in the day […]
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Stilton Jarlsberg
Stilton Jarlsberg
12
 

Although students are demanding that campuses become a “safe space” where they’ll never hear things they don’t like, we’re guessing if they get their way they’ll soon find it to be a very confining and uncomfortable space. Case in point: at one “safe space” rally in California, an Asian student said she’d been racially harassed […]
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Stilton Jarlsberg
Stilton Jarlsberg
33
 

Monday’s meeting between Barack Obama and Bibi Netanyahu reminded us of the old joke about the tragedy associated with a performance of “Our American Cousin” at Ford’s Theater: “Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the show?” Because that was the same kind of wildly dismissive, “ignoring the elephant in the room” remark that B. […]
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Stilton Jarlsberg
Stilton Jarlsberg
105
 

Following racial protests which forced the resignation of Missouri University President Tim Wolfe and Chancellor R. Bowen Loftin, both of whom were just dripping with evil, irredeemable white privilege, the University Police are taking bold steps to restore order, get the black members of the football team to suit up again (really), and save the […]
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Stilton Jarlsberg
Stilton Jarlsberg
34
 

The federal Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) has somehow managed to find time and surplus budget to fight a new battle along with their old standbys of preventing criminal background checks, preventing verification of American citizenship, striking down job-related competency testing, or disciplining any employee who isn’t a straight white male. Specifically, the EEOC is […]
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Stilton Jarlsberg
Stilton Jarlsberg
54
 

As if the people in Roseburg, Oregon haven’t suffered enough, Barack Obama and the Westboro Baptist Church both plan to descend on the community to push their personal political agendas. The people of Roseburg aren’t happy about the president coming because of his seeming inability to tell the difference between a coffin and a soapbox. […]
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Stilton Jarlsberg
Stilton Jarlsberg
139
 

The good folks at Grammarly.com (a super-duper online spelling and grammar checking service) have done another study comparing the online writings of Democrats and Republicans to see which group has the greater “richness” of language (defined as the greatest number of unique words in online postings). Their results: Democratic supporters’ vocabularies were 22.4% richer than […]
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Stilton Jarlsberg
Stilton Jarlsberg
34
 

Well that didn’t take long. Following a one-on-one meeting at the U.N. which gave Vladimir Putin the ability to measure the degree to which Barack Obama is a mewling pantywaist, the Russian dictator launched a surprise attack in Syria (after graciously ordering the United States to get the hell out of the way) on the […]
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Stilton Jarlsberg
Stilton Jarlsberg
127
 

At the time of this writing on Thursday evening, very little is known about the sicko who shot up a community college in Oregon (which had no armed security), snuffing out lives and dreams before the police ended his spree. We know that the shooter (whose name we won’t repeat here) was 26 years old, […]
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Stilton Jarlsberg
Stilton Jarlsberg
23
 

Cecile Richards took to the stand yesterday to defend the federal funding of Planned Parenthood, during which time she conceded that her organization has never given a single mammogram, nor does it have the equipment for doing so. She stressed that her staffers do give breast exams, which we’re guessing involves groping while making “wobba-wobba” […]
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Stilton Jarlsberg
Stilton Jarlsberg
23
 

On Monday, Vladimir Putin met briefly with Barack Obama at the United Nations because he was  hungry and wanted to eat the president’s lunch, drink his milk shake, and then gobble up other nations for dessert. Actually, we think that only happened metaphorically, but we’re not 100% sure because it’s hard to imagine President Dweebypants […]
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Stilton Jarlsberg
Stilton Jarlsberg
66
 

Yesterday on Meet the Press, Hillary Clinton revealed that when it came time to sort all of her personal emails (“Dear Chelsea, can’t talk now because your father is humping the help again”) from her vitally important, top secret, “lives hanging in the balance” Secretary of State emails (“Dear Ambassador Stevens, I can’t talk to […]
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Stilton Jarlsberg
Stilton Jarlsberg
34
 

Yesterday, Democrats defeated a Republican bill which would have made the most horrorific late term abortions illegal. And by “late term,” we’re largely referring to infants who could possibly survive outside the womb with proper medical care (22 weeks being the age cited by the NY Times referring to a new New England Journal of […]
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Stilton Jarlsberg
Stilton Jarlsberg
44
 

Following a misunderstanding in which a Muslim high school student was briefly arrested for bringing a homemade clock to school which looked (to concerned authorities) like a bomb, Barack Obama has invited him to the White House in order to highlight the stupidity and racism of people who think that Muslims and/or bombs could ever […]
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