Tag: nineveh

A Dark and Stormy Night’s Big Fish Story


It was a monster gale, out of season, that swooped out of the night with no warning. The sail snagged and tore as we pulled it down and the crew struggled at the oars to keep us pointing into waves that seemed to come from multiple directions, like a cat to22ying with a rat. We lost Old Hermes first, he was at the rudder when the storm came up and he was still shouting warnings and orders and curses when a wave lifted him out and over the side. He was never easy to get along with, anyway, always trying to tell us about doing things the Greek way by which he meant the right way. He was an ugly old pus and the boys never gave him a moment’s thought.

We were carrying wheat west to Tarshish in a guaranteed trouble-free cash in the pouch run. No trouble in that month on that route since my grandfather’s time. Someone had ticked off somebody’s gods, and the captain was going to find them and send them after Hermes with his own hands. He lunged from man to man on the rolling deck confronting each one.

ISIS Publishes New Rules for Islamic Caliphate


Bp7Uw_xCIAA0wTMISIS, last seen rolling across Iraq, has published new rules for the recently captured province of Nineveh. Reporter Jenan Moussa of Dubai-based Al Aan TV took to Twitter this morning to translate some lowlights from the document:

  • For those asking “who are you?”: We are soldiers of Islam and took our responsibility to bring back the glory of the Islamic Caliphate.
  • Money we took from the Safavid government is now public. Only Imam of Muslims can spend it. Anyone who steals, hand will be cut off.
  • We ask all Muslims to perform prayers on time in the mosques.
  • We warn tribal leaders and sheiks not to “work with government and be traitors.”
  • No drugs, no alcohol and no cigarettes allowed.
  • For the police, soldiers and other kafir institutions, you can repent. We opened special places that will allow you to repent.
  • Gatherings, carrying flags (other than that of the Islamic state) and carrying guns are not allowed. God ordered us to stay united.
  • Our position on shrines and graves is clear. All are to be destroyed.
  • For women, dress decently and wear wide clothes. Only go out if needed.
  • People, you tried secular rulings (Republic, Baathist, Safavides) and it pained you. Now is the time for an Islamic state.

And here I thought America was the only country Obama was going to ruin.