As you probably know, Google, Facebook, and other news aggregators work very hard to please you. In fact, they’re sort of like the creepiest guy you could imagine dating. (Adapt the simile as appropriate, if you date ladies.)

They study every term you search and think deeply about what it says about you. They remember every link you’ve ever clicked, and they ask themselves, thoughtfully, “What does it mean that she was interested in that?” They keep a list of all your friends. They study what your friends search for and what they click. They know where you live. They know what you buy. They know when you’re sleeping, they know when you’re awake, they know when you’ve been good or bad, and they know when you’ve got a touch of the flu.

They’re fascinated to discover that you like certain sports teams — wow, she likes Ronda Rousey too, we’re perfect for each other. They know who your favorite celebrities are, and they can even tell if you’re pregnant before you can. (They don’t even mind if it’s not their child — that’s how much they love you.)