To the aggrieved members of Concerned Student 1950:

Thanks to the Internet and several dozen members of the Concerned Students 1950 movement, I am in receipt of your list of demands for changes to take place at your beloved university. Let me begin by suggesting that hurling a list of demands and expecting people to address them is not really the way that responsible grown-ups deal with important questions. Typically, we agree to abide by certain rules that govern civilized dialogue, which include, for instance, that there should be no shouting, spitting, screaming threats, disrupting campus activities, throwing dangerous objects, calling for “muscle” to prevent others from participating, leaving disgusting human debris on the beautiful campus, or otherwise engaging in other activities that stifle the free exchange of ideas. That, of course, is just the short list.