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The work is complete. It was a pain, but I persevered in surfing across the entirety of the web. After trekking through every virtual centimeter of the internet, through the hysteric shrieking of political message boards, the choking smog of social media narcissism, and enough Sonic the Hedgehog pornography to fill the craters of Ganymede, I can now say conclusively what I, and you, already suspected: every single person other than me is an idiot. Fortune smiles upon you, though, for I shall now impart shreds of my wisdom (otherwise they’ll metastasize and burst through my skull, releasing my precious cranial fluids and I’m not letting that happen again).
Today, our subject is politicians. Most people instinctively know these elected creatures are not to be trusted, but despite scientists devising the cockamamiest of theories, no one has figured out why. Well, your figuring is done. Behold the proof.