Tag: Humor

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“Your network could be 1 connection larger. Connect with your contacts” —-LinkedIn ……………………. Above is an email I had from LinkedIn today. They do this all the time, those nudgers. Nudge Nudge Nudge. Below is the reply I sent: Preview Open

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Checking in on Bill Kristol and the Bulwark this morning… pic.twitter.com/PSyV2GXLrY — EJ Hill (@EJHill_PSC) March 25, 2019 Heh. Preview Open

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It is a lovely, cool, rainy day in the Valley of the Sun. We very much need the rains, and a snow pack on the mountains to the north, to replenish the reservoirs from the dry decade in the drought cycle. Arizona has been in drought since August 2009. The more water falls in Arizona, […]

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Contributor Post Created with Sketch. Recommended by Ricochet Members Created with Sketch. Church Lady, Traffic Cop, Spark Epic Prooftexting Battle After Blizzard

 

Sunday, Jan. 20, Grover Heights — The parishioners of St. John’s faced mass impoundment of their cars Sunday morning for parking them after the village snowplow had cleared the surrounding streets, but before the snow-clearing parking ban had officially expired. Feisty church lady, Cheryl Knapp, began a heated argument with Marl Burlon, the traffic cop on duty, once she realized his intention was to ticket, then tow, parishioners’ cars for “obstructing a snowplow” that had already been through.

Knapp cited 1 Corinthians 10:23, “‘I have the right to do anything,’ you say — but not everything is beneficial. ‘I have the right to do anything’ — but not everything is constructive,” conceding that the village was within its rights to tow the alleged offending cars. But, she added, “Where is the benefit in ticketing cars for obstructing a plow they are not, in fact, obstructing, since the plow has already cleared the streets where St. John’s parishioners park?” Burlon countered that the village of Grover Heights benefits from ticket revenue, and that it’s not constructive for supposedly law-abiding citizens like churchgoers to be seen flouting even the letter of the law. “When a scoffer is punished, the simple become wise,” he quoted, adding, “Render unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s — including lawfully-impounded cars.”

Recommended by Ricochet Members Created with Sketch. January Group Writing: Renovating Humor

 

The surest sign of age is the loss of the vital powers that once came with ease. The mind may be the first thing to go, as my wife has been telling me for years, but weakening flesh is the cruelest harbinger of failing vitality.

I well remember the first unmistakable sign that things were slipping away too quickly to notice. We had a tree stump in the backyard that had to be removed. So, manly man that I used to be, I buttoned up my sleeves, pulled on a pair of gloves, policed up a long crowbar and a rock to serve as a fulcrum, and set out to show that stump who was who. I got the bar lodged underneath the stump, pushed down with all my might, and…the stump refused to budge. I grunted and groaned, kick and cussed for about twenty minutes, unwilling to accept my ignominy. Fortunately, my nephew dropped by and, seeing that I was in great distress, offered to help. Now Nate is a giant of a man and a kill trained Marine who’d served three tours in Iraq, so I figured he’d just add his muscle to mine. Instead, he wrapped his arms around the stump, let out a groan, and pulled it up roots and all.

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I have just discovered a writer named Sean Dietrich. According to his website, he “is a columnist, novelist, and radio show host, known for his commentary on life in the American South.” I had never heard of him, but he is great – humorous, touching, smart. And he somehow manages to write a column – every […]

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Welp, it’s almost time once again for the annual Women’s March. This year’s pleasant festivities take place on January 19, 2019, so better start knitting those pink hats today! I don’t think these marches are helping; I mean, the anger level only seems to be increasing. Just look at that F-Bomb on her headband! I […]

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On n’est Pas Belle Par Hasard. “Nobody is beautiful by happenstance.” The French have a saying or two about beauty, and this is one of the truest. It takes a little effort. With another New Year stretching before us like a shimmering road of possibility, what better time can there be to resolve to be […]

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Recommended by Ricochet Members Created with Sketch. Dear President Romney,

 

Thanks for doing a great job as President. Please hang tough.

It’s sad that two years into your presidency, the MSM and FBI/DOJ is still investigating your campaign and other activities. I’m trying to keep score, so to speak, here are the big ones:

– Full financial forensics analysis of the Mormon Church because you visited tabernacles at most campaign stops. Where is the outrage from Congress?

Recommended by Ricochet Members Created with Sketch. A Defense of Smartphones at Christmas

 

It wouldn’t be Christmas without the traditional whinging about people “staring at their screens” at the family gathering.

What a load of false-nostalgia rubbish!

Contributor Post Created with Sketch. Recommended by Ricochet Members Created with Sketch. Quote of the Day: Congress and the Law

 

“When Congress makes a joke it’s a law, and when they make a law, it’s a joke.” – Will Rogers

The one law always in force is the law of unintended consequences. Congress can ignore it, and yet it remains, a reef to create the shipwreck of their hopes. This is the secret inherent in Will Rogers’s quote. No one individual is smart enough to foresee every possibility arising from an action. That is one reason it is always best to get a lot of outside input for a decision – especially one outside your area of expertise.

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  This month’s topic, Veneration, got me to thinking about the way so many women venerate the fashion experts in New York and Paris, hanging on their every word. Slavishly following their dictates. And who, you may ask, are these arbiters of taste and fashion? Preview Open

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When they talk of open borders, I can’t help thinking about all the funny mistakes people can make in another language, even if they’re pretty good at it. It makes me think that the Globalists have a lot of hurdles to clear before their goal of a United Federation of Earth can be realized. Unless […]

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Recommended by Ricochet Members Created with Sketch. How to Discuss Politics With Your Family This Thanksgiving

 

Sitting down to dinner on Thanksgiving is a wonderful American tradition. Liven up your tradition by using this as an opportunity to speak to your loved ones about the issues you care about. Our handy guide to dealing with touchy subjects should help you make this the best Thanksgiving ever!

  1. Start early. You can’t say you’ve been discussing politics all day if you don’t start as soon as you wake up. I also find that the perfect time to explain to your mother the importance of the dialectic to intersectionality is when she’s elbow-deep in a turkey carcass at 5:30 in morning.
  2. If someone says something like “can’t we skip all the political talk this year” tell them to shut up. If they say it again, throw your drink at them. You can’t solve all the world’s problems if you take time to be polite.
  3. The people you’re talking to may not be as well informed as you are. You should frequently remind them of this.
  4. Also, the people you’re talking to may not realize what a favor you are doing for them by taking your own valuable time to explain the correct political opinions to them. You should point this out. Often.
  5. Make sure to download and print out Saul Alinsky’s recipe for rosemary and sage dressing. It’s delicious.
  6. Remind folks that passing the potatoes is just socialism writ small.
  7. Make sure to loudly explain how market failures lead to lumps in the gravy.
  8. American as apple pie? Think again. Colonialists introduced the apple to the New World, along with slavery and disease. This basically makes your aunt Hitler.
  9. If you are ever reminded that you are surrounded by folks that raised you, fed you, clothed you, sheltered you, financed you, etc., and that maybe you should simply appreciate their company or–gasp–cut them some slack on a holiday, just remind them that racism, bigotry, and intolerance never take a day off, so neither can you. So pass the stuffing, Uncle Ted, you bigot, and gird your loins for a heavy dose of third-wave feminist theory.
  10. Whatever you do, do not volunteer to help out at a soup kitchen. That’s no way to help people! It’s much better to drink too much wine and point out all your family’s horrible horrible flaws and opinions than to waste time doing something like that.

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In Mama Toad’s post http://ricochet.com/573278/thank-you-for-william-goldman/ @cbtoderakamamatoad, a comment of Percival’s led to an embarrassing memory of mine: One day when I was in my 30s, I was at the airport waiting at my gate reading a novel. I heard a voice saying, “Miss Angles! Is that you?” It was my old high school English teacher. […]

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Recommended by Ricochet Members Created with Sketch. New Book by a Better Guerra

 

I’m going to take a moment to brag on my wife, Shannon Guerra. She just released her second book, Oh My Soul: Encountering God in Honest Unconventional (and Sometimes Messy) Prayer, and it’s doing much better than my book. Of course, she is a much better writer, and she’s been doing it longer. The title says it all, but let me also add that it’s ridiculously funny, while being deeply insightful. I’m incredibly proud of my girl.

An excerpt to prove I do show up in her writing once in a while:

One kid is napping and five kids are out with Vince on a quick errand to get coffee and a new toilet seat (lest you were under the impression that life here is glamorous). He’s getting coffee because something went horribly wrong with our coffee maker on this morning, leaving the coffee ruined and putrid. And I guess you could say the same thing about the toilet seat, but I digress.

Contributor Post Created with Sketch. Recommended by Ricochet Members Created with Sketch. Quote of the Day: That NPC Meme

 

“If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn’t thinking.” – George S. Patton

A new meme has appeared on the Internet mocking the lockstep thinking of leftists and social justice warriors: the NPC meme. It casts these people as non-player characters (NPCs), analogizing them to computer AI characters which appear in role-playing games.

Recommended by Ricochet Members Created with Sketch. Goodbye, Plastic Bags. Hello, Despair.

 

Kroger, the grocery store chain, recently announced that it will phase out plastic shopping bags by 2025. And somewhere in the smoky backrooms of all the other grocery store chains, where the captains of that industry make decisions that control the lives of millions, (“A truckload of Tough Actin’ Tenactin just drove off a cliff in Switzerland. It’s gougin’ time!”) they’re feeling the pressure to follow suit, and the fear of being left behind at the PR docks. That pressure will build and build and they’ll all do it. I find this news depressing and can’t help but feel this is a big step backward for our society.

Perhaps some of you are too young to remember what life was like before plastic shopping bags. Well, let me paint the picture for you. I warn you, it’s dreary.

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This thread is dedicated to all things Monkey. Our banana-loving distant cousins (close enough for their babies to inspire awwwww) have inspired numerous figures of speech with their playful and mischievous ways. For example, you could call the PIT a barrel of monkeys or a bunch of monkey business. We might joke about Max monkeying […]

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