The White House should hire me immediately. The official job title is unimportant; it could be as an advisor or low-level staffer, but the inner circle will know why I’m there. I will be the Evil Czar.

What’s the Evil Czar? It’s simple. My job will be to come up with diabolically evil and devilishly imaginative ways to screw with the President’s opposition, whether that be Democrats, the media (I know, I know… I repeat myself), or even disgruntled Republicans. This could be done in service of several different goals, whether to further a policy agenda, to change the media narrative away from a negative story, or best of all, simply to drive them insane and to put that insanity on full public display.