Tag: Commercials

Psst, Consumer, Wanna Buy Your AlieNation?

 

Like many Americans right of center, the ads I see online feature plenty of vaguely patriotic products. Some of the stuff’s campaign gear. Some of it’s randomly tacti-cool. (Already got a tactical pen? Have you tried our tactical toothbrush yet? Got the toothbrush already, have you? What about a tactical toothpick?) Perhaps because my browsing habits are eclectic, the ads “targeting” me are eclectic, too. According to my ads, I’m a Trump-voting, militantly pro-life charismatic sedevacantist Catholic wiccan secular humanist who’s also militantly pro-choice and pining for the deceased Ruth Bader Ginsberg. I’m deaf, too. Because of earwax. But at least I’m not alone in that: judging by consumer ad complaints, the main symptom of Covid-19 is massive earwax buildup.

People who say they know about these things say that Covid’s virtual earwax buildup is a symptom of declining click-throughs on online ads. The more time we spend online without clicking through on ads, the more “bottom feeder” ads we see. Maybe I am who I am to online marketers because I don’t click through. Therefore I must “want”, in no particular order, Osteen Cubes, <insert name of Biblical woman here> Anointings, conversational Medieval Latin kits, “homeopathic” essential-oil blends consecrated to Jesus or my choice of goddess. Little lapel pins featuring lab flasks bubbling vacuities like “Science is real!” or light-splitting prisms spelling out “I’m gay for science!” in rainbow writing.

Rapid-fire lapel pin advertising directed my way, whether from right or left, never hits its target, since even if I saw a pin I liked, I wouldn’t buy it. If I saw an ad for a lapel pin featuring the smexxxiest anthropomorphized doped garnet laser — adorned with real synthetic garnet chips reading “She blinded me with science!” — well, I’d chuckle. But I wouldn’t click.

Member Post

 

and a big fat lie!  Have you ever been blasted into the next room when a commercial comes on?  They claim the volume isn’t changed between the program and the commercial, but that’s a myth, and a lie.  While watching ‘American Pickers’, or ‘Forged in Fire’ (LOVE those shows!), my hearing aids are constantly being […]

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Member Post

 

It’s not terribly uncommon for commercials to feature classical music. Beethoven’s Symphony No. 5, Strauss’ “Also Sprach Zarathustra”, Handel’s “Hallelujah Chorus”, Tchaikovsky’s “1812 Overture”, and Beethoven’s “Ode to Joy” (Symphony No. 9) are frequently pressed into the service of commerce.  But this year, I’ve been hearing a lot of Handel’s “Zadok the Priest” from the […]

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