Tag: Amelia Hamilton

Ask Amelia’s Christmas Spectacular!

 

AskAmelia3It’s Friday, so once again it’s time for Amelia Hamilton to answer all your questions about choosy wives, Tofurkey, and naughty reindeer!

What can you make as a main course for Christmas dinner that’s vegetarian-friendly? — Confused Carnivore

My family always has roast beast for Christmas dinner, so this one took a little research. The good news is that, since there’s not a traditional vegetarian dish (just say no to Tofurkey), the sky is really the limit. If you know what kind of food the vegetarian likes, you could make that as a heavier side dish that they can load up on. Here are a few festive ideas from the BBC, Jamie Oliver, Vegetarian Times (might as well ask the experts), and Martha Stewart. Don’t stress; remember that Christmas is about being with the people you love to celebrate the birth of Jesus (and maybe make some extra potatoes, just in case).

Ask Amelia: Handsome Fish Are Always On

 

AskAmelia3It’s Friday, so it’s time once again for Amelia Hamilton to answer your most pressing questions about bumper stickers, online personae, and mirror images.

Does a person have to drive more courteously if he has a Jesus fish on his car? Asking for a friend. — Friend of Jesus Fish

Dear Fish Friend,

Ask Amelia: Mountain Dew and the High Road

 

AskAmelia3It’s Friday and it’s time for Amelia Hamilton to answer all your questions about stinky neighbors, soda pop, and staying above the fray!

Dear Amelia: I have downstairs neighbors whose apartment smells so bad I actually hold my breath as I pass by when their door is open. I can only describe it as the unholy marriage of incense, unwashed hippies, and too many cats. They constantly ask me to feed their cats when they go out of town. I keep finding reasons to decline, as I don’t think I could actually walk in there without vomiting. Plus, they keep a “pet spider.” How do I tell them “no” once and for all? — Grossed out Neighbor

Dear Neighbor,

Ask Amelia: Will a Beard Help My Poker Face?

 

AskAmelia3It’s Friday, which means it’s time for Amelia Hamilton to answer all your questions about face problems, beard problems, and lovin’ Merica.

Dear Amelia: I always stand and hold my hand over my heart when the National Anthem plays, even when it’s on TV at home. Am I too patriotic? — Anthem Fan

Dear Fan,

Ask Amelia: Unequally Yoked?

 

AskAmelia3It’s Friday, which means it’s time for Amelia Hamilton to share her advice on mani-pedis, matrimony, and Metamucil.

How long before pedicures are included in Obamacare? Because I can’t wait much longer; it’s getting hard to put on boots. — Kender M.

Dear Kender,

Ask Amelia: Birthdays

 

AskAmelia3It’s a special Saturday, all-birthday edition of Ask Amelia!

My birthday is at the end of January. Always the worst weather and the most depressing time of year. Can I change it to the end of July? — @ThatElJefe

Dear El Jefe,

Ask Amelia: Surprise, Surprise, Surprise

 

AskAmelia3It’s Friday afternoon, and once again time for Amelia Hamilton to answer all your questions about Mamas, Mrs., and Mayonnaise.

What advice do you have for someone whose friend hates mayonnaise, and you suspect is anti-American and a likely communist sympathizer? — Joseph McCarthy

Dear Joe,
Anyone who hates mayonnaise is a good person and is to be prized above rubies. You also appear to have the political affiliations mixed up, but that is my reason for being — to set the readers straight. The earliest references to mayonnaise come from Alexandre Viard who is, as as you may have guessed, French. Who’s the anti-American communist now? (It’s you.)