Is Mansplaining Real?

How can we address the differences between men and women without cliches like “mansplaining?” Are men really the only people who ever interrupt others? Bethany Mandel and Lyndsey Fifield don’t agree—which makes this an episode you won’t want to miss!

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There are 17 comments.

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  1. Al Sparks Thatcher

    I might give this one a listen. I’m generally allergic to shows consisting of women and are about being a woman.

    But it might be helpful to get a definition of mansplaining. Is it just about someone who interrupts? I suspect that it’s just as an elusive a definition as “social justice warrior” or “racist.”

    It’s one of those, “I know it when I see it” definitions.

    • #1
    • October 10, 2020, at 10:44 AM PDT
    • 1 like
  2. ToryWarWriter Thatcher

    Mansplaining is a thing, and I have had women (often lebians q.v.) mainsplain to me and its quite annoying.

    I was told that I was flatly wrong about wait times in Canadian hospitals, even though I was quoting Canadian official health stats.

    • #2
    • October 10, 2020, at 1:04 PM PDT
    • 3 likes
    • This comment has been edited.
  3. Charlotte Member
    CharlotteJoined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    I am a white female conservative American misogynist who adores men and prefers them to women in nearly all circumstances, but I can assure you that mansplaining is 100% a thing.

    • #3
    • October 10, 2020, at 1:33 PM PDT
    • 3 likes
  4. Stina Member

    Everyone does this – not just men.

    • #4
    • October 10, 2020, at 2:13 PM PDT
    • 4 likes
  5. The Cloaked Gaijin Member

    Just write something short and interesting about your daily life, Bethany.

    That’s probably one of the most informative things that a person on Ricochet could read about education and parenting, although perhaps you want to think of other things too just to stay sane.

    • #5
    • October 10, 2020, at 6:24 PM PDT
    • Like
  6. William Fehringer Member

    The way Solnit described it, yes. But then it got turned into something else.

    • #6
    • October 10, 2020, at 7:59 PM PDT
    • Like
  7. Full Size Tabby Member

    [I’m an older guy.]

    To me it seems that men’s high level of confidence (over-confidence?) in explaining things or in applying for jobs is inextricably tied to the characteristics that cause men to take the risks of going out to hunt (before animals were domesticated), inventing new things, starting new businesses. 

    We depend on our women (mothers and wives) to guide us in etiquette and people’s feelings. 

    Men making friends is really easy. We just find other men with whom we share interest in one physical thing (cars, boats, sports, etc.) and then we work on that thing side by side (never facing each other). We may talk to each other while still facing the thing we’re working on. 

    • #7
    • October 11, 2020, at 5:42 AM PDT
    • 2 likes
  8. Al Sparks Thatcher

    So I listened to the podcast, and the mansplaining examples seemed to be thirty-something women talking about still socially inept young men in their early twenties. The most egregious example was a young man who was 19 years old.

    They started to get into territory of why men can’t be more like women (as in why don’t men read etiquette books?). To their credit they backed off remembering that men and women do have different personalities.

    In any case, it would be easy for thirty-something men to take cheap shots about immature women in their early twenties. And of course it happens.

    • #8
    • October 11, 2020, at 12:24 PM PDT
    • 1 like
  9. Al Sparks Thatcher

    They made a comment that interested me on negotiating for a job. One of them said that conservatives pay employees less than liberal groups, though they also mentioned the job culture of Washington, D.C. is a kind of evangelical one.

    On negotiating a job offer, I’ve never really done it. For one thing, my entry level jobs were a situation where the employer usually doesn’t have to negotiate.

    My first big job, was the military. Paygrades are set in stone, though there is some negotiating in the fringes, not only when you first enlist (they promise specialties based on their IQ test), but when you re-enlist or not (the bonuses aren’t negotiable, but your next duty station is).

    I have been in my present job for over twenty years, and I’ve been treated well without having to negotiate (though over that long a time, I have had ups and downs).

    If I were in a job market where I changed jobs often, I would definitely bring my negotiating skills before accepting a job offer.

    • #9
    • October 11, 2020, at 12:36 PM PDT
    • 1 like
  10. Stina Member

    Al Sparks (View Comment):
    If I were in a job market where I changed jobs often, I would definitely bring my negotiating skills before accepting a job offer.

    High pay comes with high risk.

    Lockheed Martin negotiates to bring competing talent in, but if you stay at LM from day one to retiring, you don’t have the same negotiation opportunities. 

    My husband’s best options to get more negotiating power is to let a competitor poach him and then be poached back – but that puts his job security at risk.

    • #10
    • October 11, 2020, at 12:52 PM PDT
    • 2 likes
  11. Al Sparks Thatcher

    Stina (View Comment):

    High pay comes with high risk.

    Lockheed Martin negotiates to bring competing talent in, but if you stay at LM from day one to retiring, you don’t have the same negotiation opportunities.

    My husband’s best options to get more negotiating power is to let a competitor poach him and then be poached back – but that puts his job security at risk.

    I had that situation come up when I was trying to hire someone. We gave him a job offer and he went back to his present employer and negotiated a promotion. I wasn’t resentful of it, and expected him to do it. It was just business.

    Still, I’m sorry we lost that one, though the person we did end up hiring has worked out well.

    • #11
    • October 11, 2020, at 12:57 PM PDT
    • 1 like
  12. Al Sparks Thatcher

    Full Size Tabby (View Comment):

    We may talk to each other while still facing the thing we’re working on. 

    That reminds me of a story Peter Fonda related about his father Henry Fonda and Jimmy Stewart who were close friends over the years.

    Peter talked about how Fonda and Stewart would work on model planes together for hours, maybe saying 10 words to each other during that time.

    By the way, this was a very strong friendship. Henry Fonda was against the Vietnam War with a daughter who went way across the line in her opposition to it. Stewart lost a son to it.

    As far as outside observers could tell, they never talked about it.

    • #12
    • October 11, 2020, at 1:07 PM PDT
    • 1 like
  13. Mark Alexander Lincoln

    Yep, it’s a thing. It’s what we try to do but fail. Here’s the video evidence.

    https://youtu.be/-4EDhdAHrOg

     

    • #13
    • October 11, 2020, at 4:51 PM PDT
    • 1 like
  14. Mark Alexander Lincoln

    And another. https://youtu.be/hoj5Scm7HaY

    • #14
    • October 11, 2020, at 4:52 PM PDT
    • Like
  15. JennaStocker Member

    This was an exceptional episode. Both Bethany and Lyndsey brought different perspectives to what ‘mansplaining’ is and their experience/reaction to it, and able to have an intelligent discussion without just whining. In my experience, there’s also an element of preconceived assumptions about each other based on superficial superiority. I get a lot of people who assume just because I work at a pet store, I’m poorly educated or stupid and feel the need to be condescending not knowing I have a college degree, attended law school, was a Marine Corps Officer, but maybe it says more about them?

    And the segment on negotiating salary was so spot on! My last review about a year ago was 10/10 but I got a lousy 25 cent raise. My saintly husband listened to me rant got about a week nonstop and told me to give my two weeks if it happens again this year. I think what I need is Bethany to negotiate for me! Great podcast, Ladies!!

    • #15
    • October 15, 2020, at 7:58 AM PDT
    • 2 likes
  16. Randy Weivoda Moderator
    Randy WeivodaJoined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    Stina (View Comment):

    Everyone does this – not just men.

    Yes, women do it, too, but I think it is a lot more common for a man to assume he has more knowledge on a subject than the person he is talking to.

    • #16
    • October 19, 2020, at 7:11 PM PDT
    • 1 like
  17. Randy Weivoda Moderator
    Randy WeivodaJoined in the first year of Ricochet Ricochet Charter Member

    The concept of talking to your friends on the phone every day is an alien concept to me. A couple months ago I was really feeling the social isolation from the pandemic and thought about calling a friend or two, just to talk to someone outside the house. I never did, though. I’m afraid if I did the other party would view it as an imposition on their time.

    • #17
    • October 20, 2020, at 5:59 AM PDT
    • 2 likes